Just called up several schools to register for relief teaching. I just hope that I'll be able to keep this relief teaching job at least for half a year, just before I enter NUS.
Well..I guess it's 3 working days left in the army for me. Had a long break from Friday until now, going back to camp tomorrow and on Friday. Then following Monday would be i/c collection and it'll be back to civilian life.
It sounds pretty damn good to leave army. Although my army life is much less demanding than most units you can think of, it still feels good to be freed of the regiments and schedules you must die-die follow. However, other than being under the system, everything else about my vocation was great. And I think I'll miss the days and the camp itself, the afternoon breaks at the canteen and all the talk cok sessions in the evenings. Heh.
I would say it's 3 days more before I leave the comfort zone and out into the real world, away from the shelter in the camp. Suddenly so many possibilites open up, so much time awaiting to be spent, so many things I can do and so many places I can go.
It's a rather overwhelming thought.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
so i got my manual license
And so I got my Class 3 manual license on the 10th October, after being confined to an auto license for almost a year.
It was probably one of the worst decisions I have made in my life so far, to get a 3A license instead of a Class 3. It resulted in months of regret and uncertainty on whether to retake a manual license.
I realised that only being able to drive cars with 2 pedals was restrictive and I did not consider it a skill at all. Well, I don't even understand why I did not consider that in the first place. Probably I thought auto was easier and more straightforward. In the end, I went for private manual driving lessons in another attempt to get that coverted driving license as I didn't want to regret any longer.
Unlike my auto license which was sponsored by my parents, this one came entirely from my bank account. So I could actually feel the pinch whenever I had to withdraw money to pay for each lesson.
Anyway, manual driving was really fun once you got the hang of clutch control and changing gears. I kinda enjoyed my driving lessons really. But when the test date neared, it got more stressful rather than fun.
I had wanted to pass badly, although I could already drive around and actually take manual driving as a 'stress free' activity. I did not want to wait a few more months as I knew how agonising the wait could be. I also wasn't ready to fork out an average of 50 bucks per lesson for several more sessions. Not wanting to go through the trauma of yet another driving test was another reason.
I also had been driving on the road almost everyday for about a year, and if I still failed despite all that road experience, then perhaps I could be considered a rather lousy gear shifter. Heh.
Well. At least I set out to rectify the error in judgement I had made a year ago. And I am pretty happy I decided to start out learning driving again before I started regretting in future when I might be too busy to retake.
At least one thing has been settled before ord. One less thing to brood over.
It was probably one of the worst decisions I have made in my life so far, to get a 3A license instead of a Class 3. It resulted in months of regret and uncertainty on whether to retake a manual license.
I realised that only being able to drive cars with 2 pedals was restrictive and I did not consider it a skill at all. Well, I don't even understand why I did not consider that in the first place. Probably I thought auto was easier and more straightforward. In the end, I went for private manual driving lessons in another attempt to get that coverted driving license as I didn't want to regret any longer.
Unlike my auto license which was sponsored by my parents, this one came entirely from my bank account. So I could actually feel the pinch whenever I had to withdraw money to pay for each lesson.
Anyway, manual driving was really fun once you got the hang of clutch control and changing gears. I kinda enjoyed my driving lessons really. But when the test date neared, it got more stressful rather than fun.
I had wanted to pass badly, although I could already drive around and actually take manual driving as a 'stress free' activity. I did not want to wait a few more months as I knew how agonising the wait could be. I also wasn't ready to fork out an average of 50 bucks per lesson for several more sessions. Not wanting to go through the trauma of yet another driving test was another reason.
I also had been driving on the road almost everyday for about a year, and if I still failed despite all that road experience, then perhaps I could be considered a rather lousy gear shifter. Heh.
Well. At least I set out to rectify the error in judgement I had made a year ago. And I am pretty happy I decided to start out learning driving again before I started regretting in future when I might be too busy to retake.
At least one thing has been settled before ord. One less thing to brood over.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
broody
Ida Scott Taylor once wrote: Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.
I tend to think about stuff too much. I ponder about the things I've done or said which I felt I shouldn't have or start worrying about certain things that I'm about to do because I'm afraid I wouldn't perform up to my expectations. It seems like I'm always judging myself and it feels like something's missing if I didn't worry.
That's why sometimes people see me as quiet because I'm just basically sitting there brooding. I really should be indulging in the present and making the most out of it. If not I'm going to end up regretting in the future not doing this and that and start brooding all over again.
Going to leave the army in about a month's time, don't know if it's too late to start looking for a job. It's rather strange. I've always planned to look for a job after my army but now when the opportunity is nearing, I'm starting to feel lazy again. Oh well.
I tend to think about stuff too much. I ponder about the things I've done or said which I felt I shouldn't have or start worrying about certain things that I'm about to do because I'm afraid I wouldn't perform up to my expectations. It seems like I'm always judging myself and it feels like something's missing if I didn't worry.
That's why sometimes people see me as quiet because I'm just basically sitting there brooding. I really should be indulging in the present and making the most out of it. If not I'm going to end up regretting in the future not doing this and that and start brooding all over again.
Going to leave the army in about a month's time, don't know if it's too late to start looking for a job. It's rather strange. I've always planned to look for a job after my army but now when the opportunity is nearing, I'm starting to feel lazy again. Oh well.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
i wonder how she is now
Let me tell you more about this girl I know.
She is pretty, active, intelligent and was one of the more unique personalities I have known. We knew each other, I think, somewhere in the middle of the first year of junior college. We went to school together almost everyday for most of the second year and did things together rather often like attend guitar lessons or sometimes study sessions.
I liked her. But there was always this barrier in between us which I felt. I asked her out a couple of times. Caught several movies, had a couple of dinners together. So many times we hanged out, so many times I felt we couldn't really communicate. We could talk. But I wasn't comfortable. Awkward moments of silences were somewhat frequent, and that wasn't the best feeling in the world.
Somehow, I felt the distance between us was because my feelings were getting in the way. Probably was self conscious of my actions and words and couldn't overcome that. But everytime she was not around, I would secretly miss her. Many a times I wanted to tell her how I felt about her exactly, but it would be silly if I wasn't totally comfortable with her yet. For her birthdays, I would take the effort to shop for her present, hoping to surprise her at her doorstep, and budget was one of the last things on my mind. For 2 years, she forgot mine. Not even an sms. Made me wonder if I was wasting time, but somehow I still remained hopeful. Not too sure why either.
I always tried to break the barrier, tried to open up. But I realised it was beyond conversation. There had to be some form of connection but it didn't exist. Even we spent the whole night engaging in conversation, it would be useless if there wasn't anything else to link us other than the words coming out of our mouths.
But then again, I wouldn't have dared to bare my feelings for fear that our present relationship would be compromised. So I continued to try to break down at that invisible wall, hoping that someday I would be confident enough about my feelings for her.
That didn't happen. Because somewhere down the line, she became really busy after she entered university and the last time I saw her, which was a couple of months ago, was probably the last time I tried to bridge the gap. Someone told me not to waste my time, since she wasn't interested just let it go.
Who am I to think that I could break down any form of barrier especially after I've never contacted her after so long. She's probably moved on with university life, a whole new circle of friends and new activites, and here am I trying to salvage something so distant, probably something that I knew wasn't there all along but stubbornly believed so.
Oh well, I gotta sleep now. It's always great to put your thoughts down in words. Kinda puts things in perspective.
She is pretty, active, intelligent and was one of the more unique personalities I have known. We knew each other, I think, somewhere in the middle of the first year of junior college. We went to school together almost everyday for most of the second year and did things together rather often like attend guitar lessons or sometimes study sessions.
I liked her. But there was always this barrier in between us which I felt. I asked her out a couple of times. Caught several movies, had a couple of dinners together. So many times we hanged out, so many times I felt we couldn't really communicate. We could talk. But I wasn't comfortable. Awkward moments of silences were somewhat frequent, and that wasn't the best feeling in the world.
Somehow, I felt the distance between us was because my feelings were getting in the way. Probably was self conscious of my actions and words and couldn't overcome that. But everytime she was not around, I would secretly miss her. Many a times I wanted to tell her how I felt about her exactly, but it would be silly if I wasn't totally comfortable with her yet. For her birthdays, I would take the effort to shop for her present, hoping to surprise her at her doorstep, and budget was one of the last things on my mind. For 2 years, she forgot mine. Not even an sms. Made me wonder if I was wasting time, but somehow I still remained hopeful. Not too sure why either.
I always tried to break the barrier, tried to open up. But I realised it was beyond conversation. There had to be some form of connection but it didn't exist. Even we spent the whole night engaging in conversation, it would be useless if there wasn't anything else to link us other than the words coming out of our mouths.
But then again, I wouldn't have dared to bare my feelings for fear that our present relationship would be compromised. So I continued to try to break down at that invisible wall, hoping that someday I would be confident enough about my feelings for her.
That didn't happen. Because somewhere down the line, she became really busy after she entered university and the last time I saw her, which was a couple of months ago, was probably the last time I tried to bridge the gap. Someone told me not to waste my time, since she wasn't interested just let it go.
Who am I to think that I could break down any form of barrier especially after I've never contacted her after so long. She's probably moved on with university life, a whole new circle of friends and new activites, and here am I trying to salvage something so distant, probably something that I knew wasn't there all along but stubbornly believed so.
Oh well, I gotta sleep now. It's always great to put your thoughts down in words. Kinda puts things in perspective.
Monday, September 24, 2007
a ranting session
I know of 2 brothers who stay at the other end of the corridor. One is older while the other younger than me. Both always seem so accomplished and there is always this sense of envy whenever I see them.
The older brother is in NTU. He was an army officer in the commandos. The younger one is in the Singapore Sports School playing table tennis. Recently my dad commented that he had started playing golf. Both look much stronger, fitter and taller than me. And they seem to lead such vigorous, active lifestyles ever since I knew them..I remember they were quite enthusiastic in cycling, rollerblading and such.
Compared to them, I always seemed to be the plump, inactive guy. It made me wonder if I'm just average. Of course, it's not right to compare to them like this..but it just seems that I might just fade into the background if I stood beside them.
I think I'm too lucky. I'm not outstanding in terms of studies and other activites yet I can drive a car. Again it is unfair to compare like this but I almost seem to be the underachieving spoilt brat of the block beside them.
Sometimes I regret not getting really good at something. Then maybe I'll have some skill to be proud of and not look so meagre next to them.
Oh well...this post probably didn't make any sense at all. Why am I judging myself like that?
The older brother is in NTU. He was an army officer in the commandos. The younger one is in the Singapore Sports School playing table tennis. Recently my dad commented that he had started playing golf. Both look much stronger, fitter and taller than me. And they seem to lead such vigorous, active lifestyles ever since I knew them..I remember they were quite enthusiastic in cycling, rollerblading and such.
Compared to them, I always seemed to be the plump, inactive guy. It made me wonder if I'm just average. Of course, it's not right to compare to them like this..but it just seems that I might just fade into the background if I stood beside them.
I think I'm too lucky. I'm not outstanding in terms of studies and other activites yet I can drive a car. Again it is unfair to compare like this but I almost seem to be the underachieving spoilt brat of the block beside them.
Sometimes I regret not getting really good at something. Then maybe I'll have some skill to be proud of and not look so meagre next to them.
Oh well...this post probably didn't make any sense at all. Why am I judging myself like that?
Sunday, September 23, 2007
6 billion souls
At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
must really stop spending on my car
My friend told me a few weeks back, " You always spend like you won the lottery. "
It's true. At times I realise that I'm really spending more than what I should. I admit I like to spend on my car. And I'm always tempted to do so. There is always something that can be done, and I would get it done.
It really makes me feel really guilty at times, especially after yesterday, when I was again given one of those pep talks by my parents. I have been spending a lot of unnecessary money, especially when the car is something I should be more than happy to have.
Instead of being content with owning something others my age seldom get the chance to own, I spend more on redundant modifications. I figured, this should stop, because spending more than you should is a sure way of depleting your savings. :(
Enough is enough. Ok, maybe I shall type more later.
It's true. At times I realise that I'm really spending more than what I should. I admit I like to spend on my car. And I'm always tempted to do so. There is always something that can be done, and I would get it done.
It really makes me feel really guilty at times, especially after yesterday, when I was again given one of those pep talks by my parents. I have been spending a lot of unnecessary money, especially when the car is something I should be more than happy to have.
Instead of being content with owning something others my age seldom get the chance to own, I spend more on redundant modifications. I figured, this should stop, because spending more than you should is a sure way of depleting your savings. :(
Enough is enough. Ok, maybe I shall type more later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
