Officially 21 years of age today. 21 seems to be the age of transition, the age when society takes you more seriously and the time when cinemas open all their doors to you.
This birthday has been nothing short of special. The surprises had started pouring in on Thursday, when 3DL turned my lesson into a birthday celebration cum farewell. I'll be lying if I said I didn't suspect anything at all. Afterall, it was a lesson after recess and a sizable number of students were missing, very unlike the class. The instructions to clap were audible to me too but the moment when the cake was brought in felt really sweet.
Later in the day, D also surprised me with a box of pleasant things that meant a lot to me. It was a quaint little package done up in over an afternoon. Let's just say a part of it almost moved me to tears. I was taken aback by the ease at how tears welled up as it has never happened before, at least not in the movies. My self proclaimed emotional stability has been seriously undermined. Based on the D's gift solely, it could very well be the best birthday ever.
Friday evening was great too, as I met up with friends from the car forum for dinner and gathering at Tiong Bahru Market. They had a cake for me too and great food and company ruled the night.
Saturday morning was spent plucking wild grass from the front lawn while the later part of the day was spent with D at Kbox. The birthday package granted me a discount and a complimentary cake. Although the texture tasted really cheap and the blueberry was more like jam than anything else, D and I managed to plough through about 1/4 of it and I packed the rest home. Had some mildly filling yet satisfying pasta at Waraku for dinner.
I had another surprise as I reached home. Realised mum had walked all the way to Parkway to get a Black Forest cake for me. We waited for dad to return before celebrating. Especially meaningful it was, as I vaguely recall the last time my parents and I got together for cake cutting was like 10 years ago. It was never a habit so it felt strange at first. But in the end it still felt really meaningful. Mum claims 21 is a milestone and it is in a way, symbolic to celebrate it in the new house.
Going to have a look at Ice the Golden Retriever with my parents tomorrow. Hopefully will be able to get it. It'll truly be a nice addition to the family.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
a cheem-by-my-standards post about 'change'
The secondary 3s had to write a one word essay about 'Change' during their June holidays. Probably the setter of the question wanted them to speak about their views of the ever changing world, or maybe recall the last transformation in their lives that has impacted them significantly whatsoever. It could also be highly likely he was looking for reflection over the past 6 months or his entire life.
Ploughing throught 30 plus essays on 'change' was more boring than expected. Most were mundane, some were brinking on the edge of the unbelievable, while others lacked logic in parts. Surprises came in the form of 'change' being something you receive from the shopkeeper after using the big note. Not a pleasant surprise I must say, because as realisation of the irrelevant plot sank in, my heart did the same.
On a personal basis, life has also been on the edge of significant change especially this couple of weeks. The rollercoaster of emotions has been taking me for a ride during this period, when the days leading to varsity entry looms up on me inevitably. My feelings are hardly justifiable, especially since a year back, I was more than geared up for it. Now, it just seems that I am dreading the day I step in that is matriculation, and my confidence seems to be wearing away.
7 months outside and gradually slipping into the comfort zone I suppose. Yet, I can do nothing to stop myself from feeling apprehensive despite being fully aware. Feeling much better now though, as I'm convinced this is just anxiety and the impending fear of the big unknown playing the devil.
I'll probably get into the flow of things in less than a week. Hopefully.
Another big change will probably be the fact that I'm moving house. In fact, at the point of writing, I can say that I'm moving this afternoon, officially. The new house is a big one, something to look forward to everyday. Possibilities are endless. Yet the current one harbours the memories of the past 2 decades, and probably slightly more for my parents. It's been a difficult decision but we all hope the new environment brings with it a whole new world of living and creating fresh memories.
Now as I'm sitting in my spartan room typing this post, I notice the echo resounding off the hollow walls and floor everytime I ponder aloud. Cupboards and shelves are presently empty. Once the untidy abode has become a hollow shell for the next occupants to fill in. I sound emo but I'm not. I'm just expressing myself.
I told my students once it's always meaningful to be able to write about a real personal recount in an essay, but avoid if it may turn out boring for exam purposes. If anyone took this part of what is happening to my life now and turn it into an essay, it would probably need a hell lot of good vocab and vivid reflections to transform it into a winning one. Anything less even I will fail it.
It is always good to note that behind every seemingly normal and mundane transition will carry with it a inevitable tangle of emotions that lives with your subconscious.
Ploughing throught 30 plus essays on 'change' was more boring than expected. Most were mundane, some were brinking on the edge of the unbelievable, while others lacked logic in parts. Surprises came in the form of 'change' being something you receive from the shopkeeper after using the big note. Not a pleasant surprise I must say, because as realisation of the irrelevant plot sank in, my heart did the same.
On a personal basis, life has also been on the edge of significant change especially this couple of weeks. The rollercoaster of emotions has been taking me for a ride during this period, when the days leading to varsity entry looms up on me inevitably. My feelings are hardly justifiable, especially since a year back, I was more than geared up for it. Now, it just seems that I am dreading the day I step in that is matriculation, and my confidence seems to be wearing away.
7 months outside and gradually slipping into the comfort zone I suppose. Yet, I can do nothing to stop myself from feeling apprehensive despite being fully aware. Feeling much better now though, as I'm convinced this is just anxiety and the impending fear of the big unknown playing the devil.
I'll probably get into the flow of things in less than a week. Hopefully.
Another big change will probably be the fact that I'm moving house. In fact, at the point of writing, I can say that I'm moving this afternoon, officially. The new house is a big one, something to look forward to everyday. Possibilities are endless. Yet the current one harbours the memories of the past 2 decades, and probably slightly more for my parents. It's been a difficult decision but we all hope the new environment brings with it a whole new world of living and creating fresh memories.
Now as I'm sitting in my spartan room typing this post, I notice the echo resounding off the hollow walls and floor everytime I ponder aloud. Cupboards and shelves are presently empty. Once the untidy abode has become a hollow shell for the next occupants to fill in. I sound emo but I'm not. I'm just expressing myself.
I told my students once it's always meaningful to be able to write about a real personal recount in an essay, but avoid if it may turn out boring for exam purposes. If anyone took this part of what is happening to my life now and turn it into an essay, it would probably need a hell lot of good vocab and vivid reflections to transform it into a winning one. Anything less even I will fail it.
It is always good to note that behind every seemingly normal and mundane transition will carry with it a inevitable tangle of emotions that lives with your subconscious.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Leaving certain things behind
Haven't blogged in ages. And it somehow looks like that sentence has been thrown around quite a bit in this blog.
Quite a bit has happened since the last entry. It has been back to school for me, kind of because the previous teacher couldn't stay for long so it was decided that getting me back would be a convenient choice. Well, until the trained teacher arrives.
Already been teaching for a week and at this point of time, I guess I have about 1 more week to go before actually ending my stint as a teacher. This job has been an interesting and refreshing experience, one that has made me feel beyond my years many a time. I've learnt a lot I must say and it's about time to move on.
Speaking of moving on, my family has decided to move to the new house. This is after much discussion, some indecisiveness and a whole lot of serious consideration. 20 years in the present one, probably time to move on to a bigger, better place, but I'll probably miss this place dearly.
It's getting late and I'm sleepy. Late nights and early mornings have taken a huge toll on me. Stubborn and noisy students usually make things worse. Thank goodness it's already Saturday, and it's time to rest.
Quite a bit has happened since the last entry. It has been back to school for me, kind of because the previous teacher couldn't stay for long so it was decided that getting me back would be a convenient choice. Well, until the trained teacher arrives.
Already been teaching for a week and at this point of time, I guess I have about 1 more week to go before actually ending my stint as a teacher. This job has been an interesting and refreshing experience, one that has made me feel beyond my years many a time. I've learnt a lot I must say and it's about time to move on.
Speaking of moving on, my family has decided to move to the new house. This is after much discussion, some indecisiveness and a whole lot of serious consideration. 20 years in the present one, probably time to move on to a bigger, better place, but I'll probably miss this place dearly.
It's getting late and I'm sleepy. Late nights and early mornings have taken a huge toll on me. Stubborn and noisy students usually make things worse. Thank goodness it's already Saturday, and it's time to rest.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
overdue post on 1 day relief
Casual relief for today. Then it’s a couple more weeks of slack before I come back here again for a week for actual lessons. I’m in class now for the 1st period of things and so far, things seemed to have returned to what it was like for the first half of the year.
Of course, it’s pretty obvious it’s not going to stay this way as things are going to change a mighty much in August. Change..something that I’ve always thought twice before venturing into. Most times I don’t have choice and get shoved rudely into. The current apprehension about university must be really normal. It must be, yet I sometimes just wish I can remain status quo. It’s really strange, for there’s really isn’t much reason that is holding me back.
Anyway, back to the morning, it felt pretty good seeing old faces I’ve conversed, laughed, hung out and cried with, although the last part about crying is not true and just there to make the sentence flow smooth. Heh.
And there were plenty of new faces too. So many new teachers, permanent or temporary, which really says a lot about the possible manpower crisis MOE is facing..These will be the new faces that will be taking the students for the next couple of months, or more I hope, for change isn’t exactly the best thing for students taking their finals in a couple of months.
I was a new face in the school once, worked a semester and when things were just really getting started and I started settling in, I was out of it. Well, technically 5 days more in July and then I’ll be out. And who knows when I’ll be back again. It’s really cruel when I think of it sometimes. Well, at least it feels this way but circumstances obviously doesn’t allow and people always have to move on.
I always wonder to myself sometimes how many of the people I’ve known over the course of the last 6 months in this assignment will still remain contactable for say, until the mid of next year. A quick glance back at personal history shows that I’m not really adept at keeping old friends, especially those that I’ve merely bonded with in a short time. 6 months isn’t exactly short, but it didn’t really feel sufficient either. I just hope that good memories aren’t the only thing I take away from this place.
Lesson’s ending soon and it feels good to be able to churn out this moderately emo post of this word length in this slightly less than an hour timeframe. Usually it’ll take more. Anyways, this post will only be uploaded later in the night because there’s no internet here and I’m using MSword. So I’m not having lessons at night.
*Meant to be posted on Monday night but posted only now because I'm lazy.
Of course, it’s pretty obvious it’s not going to stay this way as things are going to change a mighty much in August. Change..something that I’ve always thought twice before venturing into. Most times I don’t have choice and get shoved rudely into. The current apprehension about university must be really normal. It must be, yet I sometimes just wish I can remain status quo. It’s really strange, for there’s really isn’t much reason that is holding me back.
Anyway, back to the morning, it felt pretty good seeing old faces I’ve conversed, laughed, hung out and cried with, although the last part about crying is not true and just there to make the sentence flow smooth. Heh.
And there were plenty of new faces too. So many new teachers, permanent or temporary, which really says a lot about the possible manpower crisis MOE is facing..These will be the new faces that will be taking the students for the next couple of months, or more I hope, for change isn’t exactly the best thing for students taking their finals in a couple of months.
I was a new face in the school once, worked a semester and when things were just really getting started and I started settling in, I was out of it. Well, technically 5 days more in July and then I’ll be out. And who knows when I’ll be back again. It’s really cruel when I think of it sometimes. Well, at least it feels this way but circumstances obviously doesn’t allow and people always have to move on.
I always wonder to myself sometimes how many of the people I’ve known over the course of the last 6 months in this assignment will still remain contactable for say, until the mid of next year. A quick glance back at personal history shows that I’m not really adept at keeping old friends, especially those that I’ve merely bonded with in a short time. 6 months isn’t exactly short, but it didn’t really feel sufficient either. I just hope that good memories aren’t the only thing I take away from this place.
Lesson’s ending soon and it feels good to be able to churn out this moderately emo post of this word length in this slightly less than an hour timeframe. Usually it’ll take more. Anyways, this post will only be uploaded later in the night because there’s no internet here and I’m using MSword. So I’m not having lessons at night.
*Meant to be posted on Monday night but posted only now because I'm lazy.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
quick post before I go HK
Right now I'm at the departure gallery at Changi Airport. Free internet access. So since I'm a Singaporean and internet is free, I ought to use it right?
Ok, actually nothing really constructive to talk about. Just that I'm about to leave for HK in an hour. Reaching there just in time for lunch, which will be a chore deciding because of the variety.
I love the food in HK. A quick calculation tells me I've about 14 meals there, not including the ones before, in between and after. Let's see what percentage of HK cuisine I can cover.
Ok..free internet access is running out of time. Probably spend the last 4 minutes or so surfing aimlessly around although I've no website to visit in particular. Hey, it's free right? Gotta use as much as possible!
Bye, hope there's internet access in the hotel. But I doubt it's free.
Ok, actually nothing really constructive to talk about. Just that I'm about to leave for HK in an hour. Reaching there just in time for lunch, which will be a chore deciding because of the variety.
I love the food in HK. A quick calculation tells me I've about 14 meals there, not including the ones before, in between and after. Let's see what percentage of HK cuisine I can cover.
Ok..free internet access is running out of time. Probably spend the last 4 minutes or so surfing aimlessly around although I've no website to visit in particular. Hey, it's free right? Gotta use as much as possible!
Bye, hope there's internet access in the hotel. But I doubt it's free.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
ok some updates and changes
So here I am around 2am on a Sunday morning, web logging. Somehow, I had decided to make some minor changes to my blog and figured it was also a rather appropriate time to convey my thoughts.
I always figure that it is always during the wee hours of the morning, when everything is tranquil that is the best time to jot down what I feel with no interruption. With the low humming of the air-conditioner in the background, the only other sounds that seem to accompany my reflections are the almost rythmic tappings of my fingers against the slightly dusty keyboard tiles. To me, the nights are always a pretty time to blog, which kind of explains this blog address.
I have changed the colour scheme and background of the blog, removed the music and added a tag board. This tag board thingey I've contemplated for a while, ever since I've started sharing the url with my students. I figured they probably found leaving a comment not 'casual' or convenient enough, hence only the occasional comment popping up.
I don't really have a counter for this blog because it started out as a discrete, personal diary that served mainly as an avenue to structure and rationalise my thoughts. So I really wonder sometimes how many hits I get per day or per week, making me deliberate over the possibility of the shoutbox. Well, we'll see how it goes this week.
Anyway, the trip to HK has been confirmed and I'll leave in about 10 days time. Budget is probably the only thing that limits me but I'm not intending to do crazy shopping or anything so I'll probably be comfortable enough with the expenditure. It'll simply be pleasant to be able to finally see her again after this while.
I always figure that it is always during the wee hours of the morning, when everything is tranquil that is the best time to jot down what I feel with no interruption. With the low humming of the air-conditioner in the background, the only other sounds that seem to accompany my reflections are the almost rythmic tappings of my fingers against the slightly dusty keyboard tiles. To me, the nights are always a pretty time to blog, which kind of explains this blog address.
I have changed the colour scheme and background of the blog, removed the music and added a tag board. This tag board thingey I've contemplated for a while, ever since I've started sharing the url with my students. I figured they probably found leaving a comment not 'casual' or convenient enough, hence only the occasional comment popping up.
I don't really have a counter for this blog because it started out as a discrete, personal diary that served mainly as an avenue to structure and rationalise my thoughts. So I really wonder sometimes how many hits I get per day or per week, making me deliberate over the possibility of the shoutbox. Well, we'll see how it goes this week.
Anyway, the trip to HK has been confirmed and I'll leave in about 10 days time. Budget is probably the only thing that limits me but I'm not intending to do crazy shopping or anything so I'll probably be comfortable enough with the expenditure. It'll simply be pleasant to be able to finally see her again after this while.
Friday, May 30, 2008
about the camp
Obviously, there wasn't any internet connection at the resort and there wasn't television too. I'm not complaining for at least that put us closer to nature and less reliant on technological conveniences and comfort. It's supposed to be called Rainforest Resort, so it's a pretty good excuse to exclude television from the list of resort room features. Ha ha..well at least there were powerpoints and a proper shower head.
I slept better there. Probably much earlier than the time I would sleep back home. I guess the beds and air conditioner helped quite a bit. There wasn't MSN to keep me awake too. Really quite a refreshing change from my nightly routine. I had long forgotten how sleeping and waking up early felt. However, now that I'm back in Singapore, I probably sleep late anyways.
Let's all not forget that I was there on a secondary 2 level camp, so the focus generally was on the sec 2s and not on how I enjoyed my escape from the city. I don't feel like elaborating on the details of the events or activities, mainly because I'm lazy and I don't want to bore you repeatedly on how this activity and that is a fantastic way to improve teamwork or simply overcome your fear of heights and building confidence blah blah.
Let's just say I was always constantly reminded of my own level camps back then, which I wasn't too pleased of and didn't particularly enjoy. I wasn't exactly the most outgoing kid and lacked quite a bit of self faith and overloading on cowardice. Being slightly pudgy didn't help things one bit. It wasn't really fun being me when you were in camps like these, which required huge doses of enthusiasm and some really thick skin sometimes.
Well, I was probably brimming with 'nostalgia' when the group I was in charge of attempted to carry me through a huge tyre and I guess that was the closest I could get to reliving the good ol' days. And I wasn't too happy about that either because they said I was heavy. Bah. Yeah, I'm sour. Haha.
The highest point of the camp was probably I going down to the lake for kayaking. Yep, paddling in a long, red kayak around a large, circular lake in circles, intentionally and unintentionally. I insist I was in control most of the time and my lowly 1 star badge in kayaking at least helped me stay afloat while I fiddled around with the paddle in a noobish fashion. Other times, I was just 'using the force' and ended up crashing into the sides a couple of times. Luckily I didn't capsize which would be extremely embarrasing. I also have a fear of capsizing, having broken the capsizing record when I was taking up the course.
I guess I've had enough talking about the camp. Not exactly a full fledged description of what exactly happened but I just decided to talk about stuff that I related to more. Overall, it was a really relaxing activity for me and I hope, an enriching one for my students.
Hmm, going to the airport later to send her off. Feeling a tad empty now. I guess 3 weeks is a rather long time for me in this situation and I'll truly miss her. But I'll make a trip down in the middle of the month though. Who's coming?
I slept better there. Probably much earlier than the time I would sleep back home. I guess the beds and air conditioner helped quite a bit. There wasn't MSN to keep me awake too. Really quite a refreshing change from my nightly routine. I had long forgotten how sleeping and waking up early felt. However, now that I'm back in Singapore, I probably sleep late anyways.
Let's all not forget that I was there on a secondary 2 level camp, so the focus generally was on the sec 2s and not on how I enjoyed my escape from the city. I don't feel like elaborating on the details of the events or activities, mainly because I'm lazy and I don't want to bore you repeatedly on how this activity and that is a fantastic way to improve teamwork or simply overcome your fear of heights and building confidence blah blah.
Let's just say I was always constantly reminded of my own level camps back then, which I wasn't too pleased of and didn't particularly enjoy. I wasn't exactly the most outgoing kid and lacked quite a bit of self faith and overloading on cowardice. Being slightly pudgy didn't help things one bit. It wasn't really fun being me when you were in camps like these, which required huge doses of enthusiasm and some really thick skin sometimes.
Well, I was probably brimming with 'nostalgia' when the group I was in charge of attempted to carry me through a huge tyre and I guess that was the closest I could get to reliving the good ol' days. And I wasn't too happy about that either because they said I was heavy. Bah. Yeah, I'm sour. Haha.
The highest point of the camp was probably I going down to the lake for kayaking. Yep, paddling in a long, red kayak around a large, circular lake in circles, intentionally and unintentionally. I insist I was in control most of the time and my lowly 1 star badge in kayaking at least helped me stay afloat while I fiddled around with the paddle in a noobish fashion. Other times, I was just 'using the force' and ended up crashing into the sides a couple of times. Luckily I didn't capsize which would be extremely embarrasing. I also have a fear of capsizing, having broken the capsizing record when I was taking up the course.
I guess I've had enough talking about the camp. Not exactly a full fledged description of what exactly happened but I just decided to talk about stuff that I related to more. Overall, it was a really relaxing activity for me and I hope, an enriching one for my students.
Hmm, going to the airport later to send her off. Feeling a tad empty now. I guess 3 weeks is a rather long time for me in this situation and I'll truly miss her. But I'll make a trip down in the middle of the month though. Who's coming?
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