Just spent the whole of Friday night/early Saturday morning hanging out with friends. I am beginning to enjoy these late nights out as the company and conversation really do reach out to me in a fuzzy manner. Maybe the still of the night is the best time for gaining new insights.
Driving home along ECP at 5am was torturous though. I was very much awake, but mentally strained and losing focus. Pretty dangerous, but was still quite in control. Fortunately.
Woke up at 12pm and went back to bed at 4pm. I'm starting to suspect that is not how much you sleep, but how late you sleep that affects you. Even right now am feeling a little sleepy. Not too good for my Grammaticalisation paper. Really need to get back that mugger motivation I had just a couple of weeks ago.
Anyway, Thursday's party was a blast. Though I felt my performances weren't up to expectations, I'm glad I got some pretty positive feedback for them. I wonder when's the next performance. All these is getting pretty addictive.
I need my fix. Fast.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
i can multi task so can you
The art of multi-tasking, something ingrained in all Arts students I suppose. Presently, I am blogging, chatting on MSN, studying live shows on youtube and doing my first draft for the English project. In the background, the sounds and chatter of the Channel 8 drama re-runs are muffled through my earphones.
I am pretty much psyching myself up for the performance tomorrow. It isn't as big as Emerge, but am pretty much determined to sing my best as usual. It's pretty frustrating sometimes..no matter how much effort you put in, sometimes the performance just lacks the 'oohm' and you get outshined by some other charismatic, quirky performances that somehow reach out more to the audience.
It sucks really, when expectations really fall short. I can't blame anyone though, everyone out there is probably putting in as much effort, if not more than me. I've only got myself to rely on. All I got to do is to keep doing it, loving it and make sure it is at least all I could do.
Oh well...wardrobe is now an issue too. The theme is 'masquerade', I've got a silver mask, and I've got to channel attitude, retro, rock and emo in 4 rather different performances. Can I do it in one outfit?
I am pretty much psyching myself up for the performance tomorrow. It isn't as big as Emerge, but am pretty much determined to sing my best as usual. It's pretty frustrating sometimes..no matter how much effort you put in, sometimes the performance just lacks the 'oohm' and you get outshined by some other charismatic, quirky performances that somehow reach out more to the audience.
It sucks really, when expectations really fall short. I can't blame anyone though, everyone out there is probably putting in as much effort, if not more than me. I've only got myself to rely on. All I got to do is to keep doing it, loving it and make sure it is at least all I could do.
Oh well...wardrobe is now an issue too. The theme is 'masquerade', I've got a silver mask, and I've got to channel attitude, retro, rock and emo in 4 rather different performances. Can I do it in one outfit?
Sunday, March 8, 2009
blog first do later
The only high point of the week was probably rehearsing with the band on Friday evening. There will be rehearsals tomorrow as well, which will be cool, but I hope my voice won't be too affected for my presentation on Monday.
Friday was scary because my throat started to hurt from all the singing and through a few rounds of Dani California I felt as though my voice was giving way. I couldn't recall having that happen to me before. I figured I had just barely recovered from a dry cough and all the practices didn't tickle my throat any less.
Tomorrow will definitely be fun but straining. Better get my work for Monday done by morning as I forsee the possibility of staying back till late, which I should probably get used to by now.
Friday was scary because my throat started to hurt from all the singing and through a few rounds of Dani California I felt as though my voice was giving way. I couldn't recall having that happen to me before. I figured I had just barely recovered from a dry cough and all the practices didn't tickle my throat any less.
Tomorrow will definitely be fun but straining. Better get my work for Monday done by morning as I forsee the possibility of staying back till late, which I should probably get used to by now.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Living on perceptions = self pwn
A wise man once mumbled:
"How much does a person need to change himself? Or rather, how long would it take? I thought I had broken free from my past, become stronger and liberalised from my own fears and doubts. Apparently, I had just been riding on borrowed confidence and perceived achievements which really didn't amount to anything substantial. Yet, at this point, I feel so alone with no one to turn to, no one that can truly understand and give me direction. I already lost a big part of myself last December, and no matter how hard I try to deceive myself, I realise I'm still very badly affected. Everything I tried to do to keep myself distracted only kept the doubts accumulating. This is what I am fearing...and as most of me spins off course, I frantically search for some sort of anchor to keep me grounded before I veer into a nearby tree and damage the greenery"
"How much does a person need to change himself? Or rather, how long would it take? I thought I had broken free from my past, become stronger and liberalised from my own fears and doubts. Apparently, I had just been riding on borrowed confidence and perceived achievements which really didn't amount to anything substantial. Yet, at this point, I feel so alone with no one to turn to, no one that can truly understand and give me direction. I already lost a big part of myself last December, and no matter how hard I try to deceive myself, I realise I'm still very badly affected. Everything I tried to do to keep myself distracted only kept the doubts accumulating. This is what I am fearing...and as most of me spins off course, I frantically search for some sort of anchor to keep me grounded before I veer into a nearby tree and damage the greenery"
Friday, February 27, 2009
snap back to reality
And so it goes, the day came as quickly as it went, and it was over in a short span of 2 hours. The andrenaline was overwhelming as you realise that whatever you had set out to achieve was finally done, and I personally felt it was the personal best I had set out for.
The journey had been a blast, and I'm glad the past 4 months had helped me to improve as I worked on my passion. It gave me some form of direction and kept me focused, and it didn't feel like a chore at any point of time even when it was those 2 songs day in day out.
As I snap out of the excitement of Emerge, tumbling back to the dull, hard reality of all books and no song, I wonder when the next opportunity will come along and transform me yet again into that temporary superhero alter ego I had on for 2 hours on Monday.
The superhero with meticulously styled hair, made mighty shiny with sparkling blue dust. The superhero with a nicely layered get-up and a dash of bling hanging around his neck, emblazoning the front of his chest. That was his on stage persona, vastly different from his usual self of oversized polo t-shirts and ancient sandals. And yet, when the inspiration hits, he will be there to save the world.
Meanwhile, while I get to savour the sweet aftermath of the concert, I also get to feel another sort of andrenaline rush that is all too familiar. The slight wave of panic as you hit the books and realise you are short of time because you've been dwelling too much in idolmania the past few weeks.
Excitement, some might call it.
The journey had been a blast, and I'm glad the past 4 months had helped me to improve as I worked on my passion. It gave me some form of direction and kept me focused, and it didn't feel like a chore at any point of time even when it was those 2 songs day in day out.
As I snap out of the excitement of Emerge, tumbling back to the dull, hard reality of all books and no song, I wonder when the next opportunity will come along and transform me yet again into that temporary superhero alter ego I had on for 2 hours on Monday.
The superhero with meticulously styled hair, made mighty shiny with sparkling blue dust. The superhero with a nicely layered get-up and a dash of bling hanging around his neck, emblazoning the front of his chest. That was his on stage persona, vastly different from his usual self of oversized polo t-shirts and ancient sandals. And yet, when the inspiration hits, he will be there to save the world.
Meanwhile, while I get to savour the sweet aftermath of the concert, I also get to feel another sort of andrenaline rush that is all too familiar. The slight wave of panic as you hit the books and realise you are short of time because you've been dwelling too much in idolmania the past few weeks.
Excitement, some might call it.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
what's after this
Spent the day rehearsing at Lunar.
At this point of time, when Emerge is just 2 days away, the feeling of finally getting the opportunity to take the stage overwhelms. Tickets are at $15, and that means there must be at least some sorta standard worth paying for. Hence the pressure to remain consistent persists.
This shouldn't be a problem for me now. If nothing goes haywire, my voice should be doing fine on Monday. At the point of time, it's still a little sore from all the rehearsals.
Ought to be catching up on my work soon. Mid terms coming up and the term break is just 1 week. Time is pretty much flying past and it's bewildering. I suppose if you are busy working towards some form of target everything around you turns into a blur. It has been a quick 4 months since the talk of Emerge began and Monday would be long awaited. Post-Emerge, not quite.
I really do hope I won't keep getting held back by the past and constantly move forward. I am not sure about the opportunities that have slipped by in the midst of all the brooding, but I sure hope the end of Emerge would signal a new beginning with changed perspectives.
Hopefully optimistic.
At this point of time, when Emerge is just 2 days away, the feeling of finally getting the opportunity to take the stage overwhelms. Tickets are at $15, and that means there must be at least some sorta standard worth paying for. Hence the pressure to remain consistent persists.
This shouldn't be a problem for me now. If nothing goes haywire, my voice should be doing fine on Monday. At the point of time, it's still a little sore from all the rehearsals.
Ought to be catching up on my work soon. Mid terms coming up and the term break is just 1 week. Time is pretty much flying past and it's bewildering. I suppose if you are busy working towards some form of target everything around you turns into a blur. It has been a quick 4 months since the talk of Emerge began and Monday would be long awaited. Post-Emerge, not quite.
I really do hope I won't keep getting held back by the past and constantly move forward. I am not sure about the opportunities that have slipped by in the midst of all the brooding, but I sure hope the end of Emerge would signal a new beginning with changed perspectives.
Hopefully optimistic.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
a feeble attempt at digging Vday
Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!
This day, though already highly commercialised by media and businesses, still presents new, sprouting money spinning ventures year after year. Love afterall, sells.
Giving it some serious thought, this day probably makes not much of a sense, since Love, being the formless, omnipresent yet compelling force of emotions enveloping each and every heart and mind around the universe cannot possibly be framed up or packaged into a single day on the calender.
It is precisely this factor of Love that makes it all the more difficult to grasp and come up with a set of rules and categories like other social realms. It varies wildly across individuals and strikes in the most mysterious of ways, triggered off by things remotely imaginable to the mind. And that's where the heart vs brain argument always strikes me. I've almost given up trying to put the argument in definite perspectives because the possibilities are almost limitness trying to balance the 2.
It is human nature that people are born to love and yearn to receive love, or what they perceive as love and they seek it in others. My humble thoughts bug me to perceive love as an antidote for the fear of loneliness, which people by nature also fear. Inherent instinct of survival gives us that tinge of selfishness and possession, and anxiety creates the need for connection. I will not falter, as I have the pillar of Love to hold up my needs.
In this world, there is no hate. Human nature did not program us to hate. There is only positive love and negative love. Positive love develops from the subconscious discovery of inherent similarities between indviduals, while negative love results from the lack of understanding and the overpowering of survival instincts over the need for connection.
So the real purpose of Vday is being compromised to a greater need for the commercial world. Demand and supply. Vday now takes love at face value and markets the hell out of that idea. Sure, you don't need a teddy bear to show love. I would say a token of appreciation for meeting my needs.
This entry sounds really serious. However, I'm probably only skimming the surface with my warped ideas of definition. So, please do take it with a pinch of salt..it is afterall, the result of random instances of brooding put together in words.
Ok back to economics.
This day, though already highly commercialised by media and businesses, still presents new, sprouting money spinning ventures year after year. Love afterall, sells.
Giving it some serious thought, this day probably makes not much of a sense, since Love, being the formless, omnipresent yet compelling force of emotions enveloping each and every heart and mind around the universe cannot possibly be framed up or packaged into a single day on the calender.
It is precisely this factor of Love that makes it all the more difficult to grasp and come up with a set of rules and categories like other social realms. It varies wildly across individuals and strikes in the most mysterious of ways, triggered off by things remotely imaginable to the mind. And that's where the heart vs brain argument always strikes me. I've almost given up trying to put the argument in definite perspectives because the possibilities are almost limitness trying to balance the 2.
It is human nature that people are born to love and yearn to receive love, or what they perceive as love and they seek it in others. My humble thoughts bug me to perceive love as an antidote for the fear of loneliness, which people by nature also fear. Inherent instinct of survival gives us that tinge of selfishness and possession, and anxiety creates the need for connection. I will not falter, as I have the pillar of Love to hold up my needs.
In this world, there is no hate. Human nature did not program us to hate. There is only positive love and negative love. Positive love develops from the subconscious discovery of inherent similarities between indviduals, while negative love results from the lack of understanding and the overpowering of survival instincts over the need for connection.
So the real purpose of Vday is being compromised to a greater need for the commercial world. Demand and supply. Vday now takes love at face value and markets the hell out of that idea. Sure, you don't need a teddy bear to show love. I would say a token of appreciation for meeting my needs.
This entry sounds really serious. However, I'm probably only skimming the surface with my warped ideas of definition. So, please do take it with a pinch of salt..it is afterall, the result of random instances of brooding put together in words.
Ok back to economics.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
