hi. this day in history.

I think I'm almost done with my Grammaticalization paper, so I've called it a day and have come here to blog.

I realise how I face my life at present really depended a lot on my past. A past not so glam, not something that I dig up frequently to relish. I attribute it mainly to upbringing, and being a sheltered little kid I wasn't exactly the one that would fit in too nicely. Being slightly pudgy (ok i'm being nice to myself here), I was rather quiet and lacked that confidence. I guess somehow that was the reason why I was always 'last man standing' when all the cliques sprouted. The feeling sucked...and even up till JC, it was still this way. It was awkward.

Yeah, 'You loser.' you would mutter. Yeah I was. Maybe I still am now. But at least I don't think so. I'm just determined not to fall back to the past, and just move forward with some hope. It's all in the mind, I realise. You just need to focus on being an individual and let nature take care of the rest.

There's no point trying to hard, I've learnt. That way you'll be happier too. It's very easy to say how you want to forget everything that has happened before and just embrace the future. Not possible. So I'll just carry that bit of memory around to constantly remind myself how not to falter and just live.

Oh ok. This is not emo. Smile.