honest reflection hor.

Where has the drive gone? It almost seemed sucked out of me, leaving a gaping vacuum within, while I rush to fill up the nothingness.

It seemed that I have lost a lot since the start of the sem, yet gained quite a bit too in terms of experience and self awareness. Now, that is fantastic. Yet, I haven't been truly happy. Behind the facade of things that seem to make up a 'fufilling' life, there is just an empty shell.

I don't think I ever progressed as a person. Maybe I'm still the stubborn, sensitive, selfish individual who refuses to learn from mistakes and let the world around control my feelings and actions. So many times I've told myself to just be myself and move on, yet the past still has a certain hold on me.

It's also particularly disturbing how I seek solace in material. You don't spend to feel happy..it's just..wrong. Yet, I never had 2nd thoughts about spending, at least most of the time and it just almost seems that I'm living only on temporary indulgence. Like some sort of drug.

Maybe I'm really a brat afterall. Spending on good meals, the car, clothes, stocks without even needing to go to work like my friends. And deep down inside, beneath everything else, there's really nothing at all. Just a lonely soul with not much substance.