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I just felt like blogging again.

After almost a 2 month hiatus, I just felt like putting down my thoughts in words again. It feels good. However, given my busy schedule, it'll be fantastic if I actually found the time to reflect and ramble.

I guessed I have recovered enough to start putting things down in an earnest manner, and hope this time round I don't go lying to myself again. My hairdresser had told my best friend (we share the same hairdresser) that I looked like I was deeply troubled whenever she saw me. I expressed surprise, because I thought I was pretty good at concealing my feelings. But no, hairdressers talk to all sorts of people, they can tell, as put across by Howard. I'm impressed.

I think am more or less done with my situation. How long has it been? 8? 9 months? I've been on this rollercoaster of emotions for far too long, and painful as it might be, I have to suck it up and move on. I thought I had made a decision months back, but I don't know if I had been totally truthful. I greatly appreciate the company of my friends though, and I tell myself this time, if not for myself, I've got to do it for them too. They had my best interests at heart and still have. I should place bigger value on their judgement.

I guess the most painful thing is carrying false hope, and hoping it might somehow materialise again someday, even though all signs urge you to go in the other direction. And then, things happen and you blame yourself being stupid for having lofty ideas...but the next moment you build up false hope once again.

I'll probably spend the time building up faith in placing my heart out there again. Who knew it had to be this difficult..I gave myself too many chances to believe, but I think I had enough.