Sorry for the lack of updates. I mean, if you are still reading this, thank you for checking back. The term has been nothing but hectic. I think I'm studying quite a lot, at least if you compare to college but I can still barely keep up.
Have been sleeping real late and waking up early. Early by my standards that is. About 7am. I am never one that wakes up late anyway. Some tuned biological alarm clock thingey. Even if I try to be a bum and force myself to sleep until 10am, I still find my eyes forcing themselves open at 8. This includes the weekends as well.
Even as am typing this I'm feeling sleepy. Tomorrow is a no-lesson day for me and probably I'll try to wake up later. However, there's always something I'll have to do and not doing it bugs the hell out of me, so probably that's what makes me spring out of bed in the mornings.
I intended to talk about something more heavy and 'serious' but I figured I wasn't in that kinda mood to do anything along those lines. So I'll probably leave it to next time, whenever that is.
Oh. Sorry 2BN I can't turn up for tomorrow's class outing. Got a mini concert coming up and there's rehearsals tomorrow, which kinda reminds me I haven't blogged about my CCA yet. Let's leave it to next time.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
What I have got for my modules
Contary to popular belief, I am not dead like my blog is and while you are still speculating, I'm here again to revive my blog.
The lazy bones in me are dominating my soul and I always find the excuse of the lack of inspiration to blog. Which is partly true because in this 2nd week of university life, I'm still caught up with all the settling in and module bidding that I can't recount anything barely interesting.
Well, it's not right just blogging every 2 weeks or so because I know of a handful of avid readers who seemingly find direction and solace in my ramblings (uh hum..) and it'll be sorry to disappoint them. Let's just say I shall try to blog more often ok?
Module bidding and tutorial balloting are over and the initial modules I got were Economics, English, Calculus, Chinese Studies and Theatre Studies.
You heard the last 2 correct.
Chinese Studies - History of China and Chinese Literature. First lecture was a giant boot to the sleepy face. Nothing short of traumatising, I was left frozen in panic a couple of moments through the lecture. Lecture was in mandarin (ok duh) and presentation was in traditional chinese characters. I was momentarily swarmed by ancient chinese facts regarding history and culture. It was a sudden blow to the senses because I've lost touch with the language.
Theatre Studies - Don't want to go too much into it as I was seriously disturbed by the whole atmosphere when I stepped into the LT. Well..even before that I was already feeling apprehensive. I don't know what it was. Probably the small course intake, probably the lecturer, probably the people I saw in there. It was stifling in all sorts of the word. Luckily the lecture was only an hour. Apparently there is supposed to be a 2 hr practical every week which required you to 'wear loose clothing as you are required to do movements on the floor' and I guess that really scared me away.
Yep. Guess I made the decision to appeal out of the course and tranferred to Political Science. I have decided to stick with Chinese Studies though because heard that it wasn't as scary as it seemed and today's lecture I actually could understand. About 90 percent of it. Great.
Ok, gotta go off now. It'll be good if I can blog again in a couple of days.
The lazy bones in me are dominating my soul and I always find the excuse of the lack of inspiration to blog. Which is partly true because in this 2nd week of university life, I'm still caught up with all the settling in and module bidding that I can't recount anything barely interesting.
Well, it's not right just blogging every 2 weeks or so because I know of a handful of avid readers who seemingly find direction and solace in my ramblings (uh hum..) and it'll be sorry to disappoint them. Let's just say I shall try to blog more often ok?
Module bidding and tutorial balloting are over and the initial modules I got were Economics, English, Calculus, Chinese Studies and Theatre Studies.
You heard the last 2 correct.
Chinese Studies - History of China and Chinese Literature. First lecture was a giant boot to the sleepy face. Nothing short of traumatising, I was left frozen in panic a couple of moments through the lecture. Lecture was in mandarin (ok duh) and presentation was in traditional chinese characters. I was momentarily swarmed by ancient chinese facts regarding history and culture. It was a sudden blow to the senses because I've lost touch with the language.
Theatre Studies - Don't want to go too much into it as I was seriously disturbed by the whole atmosphere when I stepped into the LT. Well..even before that I was already feeling apprehensive. I don't know what it was. Probably the small course intake, probably the lecturer, probably the people I saw in there. It was stifling in all sorts of the word. Luckily the lecture was only an hour. Apparently there is supposed to be a 2 hr practical every week which required you to 'wear loose clothing as you are required to do movements on the floor' and I guess that really scared me away.
Yep. Guess I made the decision to appeal out of the course and tranferred to Political Science. I have decided to stick with Chinese Studies though because heard that it wasn't as scary as it seemed and today's lecture I actually could understand. About 90 percent of it. Great.
Ok, gotta go off now. It'll be good if I can blog again in a couple of days.
Friday, August 8, 2008
off cors and bidding
Past week has been an emotionally stressful one as the bidding for modules progress. The system is called CORS and although it has a nice ring to it, it still fails to hide its facade as one big mind game.
Mind game it is, as behind the seemingly passive looking system, lies the necessity to predict the actions of hundreds of other minds with similar objectives. Any moment of fickle-mindedness and unexpected bids will upset the delicate balance, sending the numbers spiralling.
What adds to the complexity is the fact that no one knows what the other is bidding or where he stands, other than the highest and lowest bid and the number of vacancies left. Personally, I had spent numerous hours on bidding day camping in front of the screen, making appropriate changes while nervously hitting the refresh button every 10 minutes.
Maybe it isn't that necessary, maybe I will not be so tense in the subsequent rounds, which undoubtedly would last throughout the few years or so. However the past few days have been an emotional roller coaster. Afterall, I only got the 5 modules after the third bidding round and they weren't my initial choices.
The next thing on the agenda is the balloting of tutorials and their allocation will determine if my Fridays will be free. The possibility of a 4 day week excites me but any unexpected turn of events will wipe that out.
I seriously need some luck.
Mind game it is, as behind the seemingly passive looking system, lies the necessity to predict the actions of hundreds of other minds with similar objectives. Any moment of fickle-mindedness and unexpected bids will upset the delicate balance, sending the numbers spiralling.
What adds to the complexity is the fact that no one knows what the other is bidding or where he stands, other than the highest and lowest bid and the number of vacancies left. Personally, I had spent numerous hours on bidding day camping in front of the screen, making appropriate changes while nervously hitting the refresh button every 10 minutes.
Maybe it isn't that necessary, maybe I will not be so tense in the subsequent rounds, which undoubtedly would last throughout the few years or so. However the past few days have been an emotional roller coaster. Afterall, I only got the 5 modules after the third bidding round and they weren't my initial choices.
The next thing on the agenda is the balloting of tutorials and their allocation will determine if my Fridays will be free. The possibility of a 4 day week excites me but any unexpected turn of events will wipe that out.
I seriously need some luck.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
One of the best birthdays
Officially 21 years of age today. 21 seems to be the age of transition, the age when society takes you more seriously and the time when cinemas open all their doors to you.
This birthday has been nothing short of special. The surprises had started pouring in on Thursday, when 3DL turned my lesson into a birthday celebration cum farewell. I'll be lying if I said I didn't suspect anything at all. Afterall, it was a lesson after recess and a sizable number of students were missing, very unlike the class. The instructions to clap were audible to me too but the moment when the cake was brought in felt really sweet.
Later in the day, D also surprised me with a box of pleasant things that meant a lot to me. It was a quaint little package done up in over an afternoon. Let's just say a part of it almost moved me to tears. I was taken aback by the ease at how tears welled up as it has never happened before, at least not in the movies. My self proclaimed emotional stability has been seriously undermined. Based on the D's gift solely, it could very well be the best birthday ever.
Friday evening was great too, as I met up with friends from the car forum for dinner and gathering at Tiong Bahru Market. They had a cake for me too and great food and company ruled the night.
Saturday morning was spent plucking wild grass from the front lawn while the later part of the day was spent with D at Kbox. The birthday package granted me a discount and a complimentary cake. Although the texture tasted really cheap and the blueberry was more like jam than anything else, D and I managed to plough through about 1/4 of it and I packed the rest home. Had some mildly filling yet satisfying pasta at Waraku for dinner.
I had another surprise as I reached home. Realised mum had walked all the way to Parkway to get a Black Forest cake for me. We waited for dad to return before celebrating. Especially meaningful it was, as I vaguely recall the last time my parents and I got together for cake cutting was like 10 years ago. It was never a habit so it felt strange at first. But in the end it still felt really meaningful. Mum claims 21 is a milestone and it is in a way, symbolic to celebrate it in the new house.
Going to have a look at Ice the Golden Retriever with my parents tomorrow. Hopefully will be able to get it. It'll truly be a nice addition to the family.
This birthday has been nothing short of special. The surprises had started pouring in on Thursday, when 3DL turned my lesson into a birthday celebration cum farewell. I'll be lying if I said I didn't suspect anything at all. Afterall, it was a lesson after recess and a sizable number of students were missing, very unlike the class. The instructions to clap were audible to me too but the moment when the cake was brought in felt really sweet.
Later in the day, D also surprised me with a box of pleasant things that meant a lot to me. It was a quaint little package done up in over an afternoon. Let's just say a part of it almost moved me to tears. I was taken aback by the ease at how tears welled up as it has never happened before, at least not in the movies. My self proclaimed emotional stability has been seriously undermined. Based on the D's gift solely, it could very well be the best birthday ever.
Friday evening was great too, as I met up with friends from the car forum for dinner and gathering at Tiong Bahru Market. They had a cake for me too and great food and company ruled the night.
Saturday morning was spent plucking wild grass from the front lawn while the later part of the day was spent with D at Kbox. The birthday package granted me a discount and a complimentary cake. Although the texture tasted really cheap and the blueberry was more like jam than anything else, D and I managed to plough through about 1/4 of it and I packed the rest home. Had some mildly filling yet satisfying pasta at Waraku for dinner.
I had another surprise as I reached home. Realised mum had walked all the way to Parkway to get a Black Forest cake for me. We waited for dad to return before celebrating. Especially meaningful it was, as I vaguely recall the last time my parents and I got together for cake cutting was like 10 years ago. It was never a habit so it felt strange at first. But in the end it still felt really meaningful. Mum claims 21 is a milestone and it is in a way, symbolic to celebrate it in the new house.
Going to have a look at Ice the Golden Retriever with my parents tomorrow. Hopefully will be able to get it. It'll truly be a nice addition to the family.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
a cheem-by-my-standards post about 'change'
The secondary 3s had to write a one word essay about 'Change' during their June holidays. Probably the setter of the question wanted them to speak about their views of the ever changing world, or maybe recall the last transformation in their lives that has impacted them significantly whatsoever. It could also be highly likely he was looking for reflection over the past 6 months or his entire life.
Ploughing throught 30 plus essays on 'change' was more boring than expected. Most were mundane, some were brinking on the edge of the unbelievable, while others lacked logic in parts. Surprises came in the form of 'change' being something you receive from the shopkeeper after using the big note. Not a pleasant surprise I must say, because as realisation of the irrelevant plot sank in, my heart did the same.
On a personal basis, life has also been on the edge of significant change especially this couple of weeks. The rollercoaster of emotions has been taking me for a ride during this period, when the days leading to varsity entry looms up on me inevitably. My feelings are hardly justifiable, especially since a year back, I was more than geared up for it. Now, it just seems that I am dreading the day I step in that is matriculation, and my confidence seems to be wearing away.
7 months outside and gradually slipping into the comfort zone I suppose. Yet, I can do nothing to stop myself from feeling apprehensive despite being fully aware. Feeling much better now though, as I'm convinced this is just anxiety and the impending fear of the big unknown playing the devil.
I'll probably get into the flow of things in less than a week. Hopefully.
Another big change will probably be the fact that I'm moving house. In fact, at the point of writing, I can say that I'm moving this afternoon, officially. The new house is a big one, something to look forward to everyday. Possibilities are endless. Yet the current one harbours the memories of the past 2 decades, and probably slightly more for my parents. It's been a difficult decision but we all hope the new environment brings with it a whole new world of living and creating fresh memories.
Now as I'm sitting in my spartan room typing this post, I notice the echo resounding off the hollow walls and floor everytime I ponder aloud. Cupboards and shelves are presently empty. Once the untidy abode has become a hollow shell for the next occupants to fill in. I sound emo but I'm not. I'm just expressing myself.
I told my students once it's always meaningful to be able to write about a real personal recount in an essay, but avoid if it may turn out boring for exam purposes. If anyone took this part of what is happening to my life now and turn it into an essay, it would probably need a hell lot of good vocab and vivid reflections to transform it into a winning one. Anything less even I will fail it.
It is always good to note that behind every seemingly normal and mundane transition will carry with it a inevitable tangle of emotions that lives with your subconscious.
Ploughing throught 30 plus essays on 'change' was more boring than expected. Most were mundane, some were brinking on the edge of the unbelievable, while others lacked logic in parts. Surprises came in the form of 'change' being something you receive from the shopkeeper after using the big note. Not a pleasant surprise I must say, because as realisation of the irrelevant plot sank in, my heart did the same.
On a personal basis, life has also been on the edge of significant change especially this couple of weeks. The rollercoaster of emotions has been taking me for a ride during this period, when the days leading to varsity entry looms up on me inevitably. My feelings are hardly justifiable, especially since a year back, I was more than geared up for it. Now, it just seems that I am dreading the day I step in that is matriculation, and my confidence seems to be wearing away.
7 months outside and gradually slipping into the comfort zone I suppose. Yet, I can do nothing to stop myself from feeling apprehensive despite being fully aware. Feeling much better now though, as I'm convinced this is just anxiety and the impending fear of the big unknown playing the devil.
I'll probably get into the flow of things in less than a week. Hopefully.
Another big change will probably be the fact that I'm moving house. In fact, at the point of writing, I can say that I'm moving this afternoon, officially. The new house is a big one, something to look forward to everyday. Possibilities are endless. Yet the current one harbours the memories of the past 2 decades, and probably slightly more for my parents. It's been a difficult decision but we all hope the new environment brings with it a whole new world of living and creating fresh memories.
Now as I'm sitting in my spartan room typing this post, I notice the echo resounding off the hollow walls and floor everytime I ponder aloud. Cupboards and shelves are presently empty. Once the untidy abode has become a hollow shell for the next occupants to fill in. I sound emo but I'm not. I'm just expressing myself.
I told my students once it's always meaningful to be able to write about a real personal recount in an essay, but avoid if it may turn out boring for exam purposes. If anyone took this part of what is happening to my life now and turn it into an essay, it would probably need a hell lot of good vocab and vivid reflections to transform it into a winning one. Anything less even I will fail it.
It is always good to note that behind every seemingly normal and mundane transition will carry with it a inevitable tangle of emotions that lives with your subconscious.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Leaving certain things behind
Haven't blogged in ages. And it somehow looks like that sentence has been thrown around quite a bit in this blog.
Quite a bit has happened since the last entry. It has been back to school for me, kind of because the previous teacher couldn't stay for long so it was decided that getting me back would be a convenient choice. Well, until the trained teacher arrives.
Already been teaching for a week and at this point of time, I guess I have about 1 more week to go before actually ending my stint as a teacher. This job has been an interesting and refreshing experience, one that has made me feel beyond my years many a time. I've learnt a lot I must say and it's about time to move on.
Speaking of moving on, my family has decided to move to the new house. This is after much discussion, some indecisiveness and a whole lot of serious consideration. 20 years in the present one, probably time to move on to a bigger, better place, but I'll probably miss this place dearly.
It's getting late and I'm sleepy. Late nights and early mornings have taken a huge toll on me. Stubborn and noisy students usually make things worse. Thank goodness it's already Saturday, and it's time to rest.
Quite a bit has happened since the last entry. It has been back to school for me, kind of because the previous teacher couldn't stay for long so it was decided that getting me back would be a convenient choice. Well, until the trained teacher arrives.
Already been teaching for a week and at this point of time, I guess I have about 1 more week to go before actually ending my stint as a teacher. This job has been an interesting and refreshing experience, one that has made me feel beyond my years many a time. I've learnt a lot I must say and it's about time to move on.
Speaking of moving on, my family has decided to move to the new house. This is after much discussion, some indecisiveness and a whole lot of serious consideration. 20 years in the present one, probably time to move on to a bigger, better place, but I'll probably miss this place dearly.
It's getting late and I'm sleepy. Late nights and early mornings have taken a huge toll on me. Stubborn and noisy students usually make things worse. Thank goodness it's already Saturday, and it's time to rest.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
overdue post on 1 day relief
Casual relief for today. Then it’s a couple more weeks of slack before I come back here again for a week for actual lessons. I’m in class now for the 1st period of things and so far, things seemed to have returned to what it was like for the first half of the year.
Of course, it’s pretty obvious it’s not going to stay this way as things are going to change a mighty much in August. Change..something that I’ve always thought twice before venturing into. Most times I don’t have choice and get shoved rudely into. The current apprehension about university must be really normal. It must be, yet I sometimes just wish I can remain status quo. It’s really strange, for there’s really isn’t much reason that is holding me back.
Anyway, back to the morning, it felt pretty good seeing old faces I’ve conversed, laughed, hung out and cried with, although the last part about crying is not true and just there to make the sentence flow smooth. Heh.
And there were plenty of new faces too. So many new teachers, permanent or temporary, which really says a lot about the possible manpower crisis MOE is facing..These will be the new faces that will be taking the students for the next couple of months, or more I hope, for change isn’t exactly the best thing for students taking their finals in a couple of months.
I was a new face in the school once, worked a semester and when things were just really getting started and I started settling in, I was out of it. Well, technically 5 days more in July and then I’ll be out. And who knows when I’ll be back again. It’s really cruel when I think of it sometimes. Well, at least it feels this way but circumstances obviously doesn’t allow and people always have to move on.
I always wonder to myself sometimes how many of the people I’ve known over the course of the last 6 months in this assignment will still remain contactable for say, until the mid of next year. A quick glance back at personal history shows that I’m not really adept at keeping old friends, especially those that I’ve merely bonded with in a short time. 6 months isn’t exactly short, but it didn’t really feel sufficient either. I just hope that good memories aren’t the only thing I take away from this place.
Lesson’s ending soon and it feels good to be able to churn out this moderately emo post of this word length in this slightly less than an hour timeframe. Usually it’ll take more. Anyways, this post will only be uploaded later in the night because there’s no internet here and I’m using MSword. So I’m not having lessons at night.
*Meant to be posted on Monday night but posted only now because I'm lazy.
Of course, it’s pretty obvious it’s not going to stay this way as things are going to change a mighty much in August. Change..something that I’ve always thought twice before venturing into. Most times I don’t have choice and get shoved rudely into. The current apprehension about university must be really normal. It must be, yet I sometimes just wish I can remain status quo. It’s really strange, for there’s really isn’t much reason that is holding me back.
Anyway, back to the morning, it felt pretty good seeing old faces I’ve conversed, laughed, hung out and cried with, although the last part about crying is not true and just there to make the sentence flow smooth. Heh.
And there were plenty of new faces too. So many new teachers, permanent or temporary, which really says a lot about the possible manpower crisis MOE is facing..These will be the new faces that will be taking the students for the next couple of months, or more I hope, for change isn’t exactly the best thing for students taking their finals in a couple of months.
I was a new face in the school once, worked a semester and when things were just really getting started and I started settling in, I was out of it. Well, technically 5 days more in July and then I’ll be out. And who knows when I’ll be back again. It’s really cruel when I think of it sometimes. Well, at least it feels this way but circumstances obviously doesn’t allow and people always have to move on.
I always wonder to myself sometimes how many of the people I’ve known over the course of the last 6 months in this assignment will still remain contactable for say, until the mid of next year. A quick glance back at personal history shows that I’m not really adept at keeping old friends, especially those that I’ve merely bonded with in a short time. 6 months isn’t exactly short, but it didn’t really feel sufficient either. I just hope that good memories aren’t the only thing I take away from this place.
Lesson’s ending soon and it feels good to be able to churn out this moderately emo post of this word length in this slightly less than an hour timeframe. Usually it’ll take more. Anyways, this post will only be uploaded later in the night because there’s no internet here and I’m using MSword. So I’m not having lessons at night.
*Meant to be posted on Monday night but posted only now because I'm lazy.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
quick post before I go HK
Right now I'm at the departure gallery at Changi Airport. Free internet access. So since I'm a Singaporean and internet is free, I ought to use it right?
Ok, actually nothing really constructive to talk about. Just that I'm about to leave for HK in an hour. Reaching there just in time for lunch, which will be a chore deciding because of the variety.
I love the food in HK. A quick calculation tells me I've about 14 meals there, not including the ones before, in between and after. Let's see what percentage of HK cuisine I can cover.
Ok..free internet access is running out of time. Probably spend the last 4 minutes or so surfing aimlessly around although I've no website to visit in particular. Hey, it's free right? Gotta use as much as possible!
Bye, hope there's internet access in the hotel. But I doubt it's free.
Ok, actually nothing really constructive to talk about. Just that I'm about to leave for HK in an hour. Reaching there just in time for lunch, which will be a chore deciding because of the variety.
I love the food in HK. A quick calculation tells me I've about 14 meals there, not including the ones before, in between and after. Let's see what percentage of HK cuisine I can cover.
Ok..free internet access is running out of time. Probably spend the last 4 minutes or so surfing aimlessly around although I've no website to visit in particular. Hey, it's free right? Gotta use as much as possible!
Bye, hope there's internet access in the hotel. But I doubt it's free.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
ok some updates and changes
So here I am around 2am on a Sunday morning, web logging. Somehow, I had decided to make some minor changes to my blog and figured it was also a rather appropriate time to convey my thoughts.
I always figure that it is always during the wee hours of the morning, when everything is tranquil that is the best time to jot down what I feel with no interruption. With the low humming of the air-conditioner in the background, the only other sounds that seem to accompany my reflections are the almost rythmic tappings of my fingers against the slightly dusty keyboard tiles. To me, the nights are always a pretty time to blog, which kind of explains this blog address.
I have changed the colour scheme and background of the blog, removed the music and added a tag board. This tag board thingey I've contemplated for a while, ever since I've started sharing the url with my students. I figured they probably found leaving a comment not 'casual' or convenient enough, hence only the occasional comment popping up.
I don't really have a counter for this blog because it started out as a discrete, personal diary that served mainly as an avenue to structure and rationalise my thoughts. So I really wonder sometimes how many hits I get per day or per week, making me deliberate over the possibility of the shoutbox. Well, we'll see how it goes this week.
Anyway, the trip to HK has been confirmed and I'll leave in about 10 days time. Budget is probably the only thing that limits me but I'm not intending to do crazy shopping or anything so I'll probably be comfortable enough with the expenditure. It'll simply be pleasant to be able to finally see her again after this while.
I always figure that it is always during the wee hours of the morning, when everything is tranquil that is the best time to jot down what I feel with no interruption. With the low humming of the air-conditioner in the background, the only other sounds that seem to accompany my reflections are the almost rythmic tappings of my fingers against the slightly dusty keyboard tiles. To me, the nights are always a pretty time to blog, which kind of explains this blog address.
I have changed the colour scheme and background of the blog, removed the music and added a tag board. This tag board thingey I've contemplated for a while, ever since I've started sharing the url with my students. I figured they probably found leaving a comment not 'casual' or convenient enough, hence only the occasional comment popping up.
I don't really have a counter for this blog because it started out as a discrete, personal diary that served mainly as an avenue to structure and rationalise my thoughts. So I really wonder sometimes how many hits I get per day or per week, making me deliberate over the possibility of the shoutbox. Well, we'll see how it goes this week.
Anyway, the trip to HK has been confirmed and I'll leave in about 10 days time. Budget is probably the only thing that limits me but I'm not intending to do crazy shopping or anything so I'll probably be comfortable enough with the expenditure. It'll simply be pleasant to be able to finally see her again after this while.
Friday, May 30, 2008
about the camp
Obviously, there wasn't any internet connection at the resort and there wasn't television too. I'm not complaining for at least that put us closer to nature and less reliant on technological conveniences and comfort. It's supposed to be called Rainforest Resort, so it's a pretty good excuse to exclude television from the list of resort room features. Ha ha..well at least there were powerpoints and a proper shower head.
I slept better there. Probably much earlier than the time I would sleep back home. I guess the beds and air conditioner helped quite a bit. There wasn't MSN to keep me awake too. Really quite a refreshing change from my nightly routine. I had long forgotten how sleeping and waking up early felt. However, now that I'm back in Singapore, I probably sleep late anyways.
Let's all not forget that I was there on a secondary 2 level camp, so the focus generally was on the sec 2s and not on how I enjoyed my escape from the city. I don't feel like elaborating on the details of the events or activities, mainly because I'm lazy and I don't want to bore you repeatedly on how this activity and that is a fantastic way to improve teamwork or simply overcome your fear of heights and building confidence blah blah.
Let's just say I was always constantly reminded of my own level camps back then, which I wasn't too pleased of and didn't particularly enjoy. I wasn't exactly the most outgoing kid and lacked quite a bit of self faith and overloading on cowardice. Being slightly pudgy didn't help things one bit. It wasn't really fun being me when you were in camps like these, which required huge doses of enthusiasm and some really thick skin sometimes.
Well, I was probably brimming with 'nostalgia' when the group I was in charge of attempted to carry me through a huge tyre and I guess that was the closest I could get to reliving the good ol' days. And I wasn't too happy about that either because they said I was heavy. Bah. Yeah, I'm sour. Haha.
The highest point of the camp was probably I going down to the lake for kayaking. Yep, paddling in a long, red kayak around a large, circular lake in circles, intentionally and unintentionally. I insist I was in control most of the time and my lowly 1 star badge in kayaking at least helped me stay afloat while I fiddled around with the paddle in a noobish fashion. Other times, I was just 'using the force' and ended up crashing into the sides a couple of times. Luckily I didn't capsize which would be extremely embarrasing. I also have a fear of capsizing, having broken the capsizing record when I was taking up the course.
I guess I've had enough talking about the camp. Not exactly a full fledged description of what exactly happened but I just decided to talk about stuff that I related to more. Overall, it was a really relaxing activity for me and I hope, an enriching one for my students.
Hmm, going to the airport later to send her off. Feeling a tad empty now. I guess 3 weeks is a rather long time for me in this situation and I'll truly miss her. But I'll make a trip down in the middle of the month though. Who's coming?
I slept better there. Probably much earlier than the time I would sleep back home. I guess the beds and air conditioner helped quite a bit. There wasn't MSN to keep me awake too. Really quite a refreshing change from my nightly routine. I had long forgotten how sleeping and waking up early felt. However, now that I'm back in Singapore, I probably sleep late anyways.
Let's all not forget that I was there on a secondary 2 level camp, so the focus generally was on the sec 2s and not on how I enjoyed my escape from the city. I don't feel like elaborating on the details of the events or activities, mainly because I'm lazy and I don't want to bore you repeatedly on how this activity and that is a fantastic way to improve teamwork or simply overcome your fear of heights and building confidence blah blah.
Let's just say I was always constantly reminded of my own level camps back then, which I wasn't too pleased of and didn't particularly enjoy. I wasn't exactly the most outgoing kid and lacked quite a bit of self faith and overloading on cowardice. Being slightly pudgy didn't help things one bit. It wasn't really fun being me when you were in camps like these, which required huge doses of enthusiasm and some really thick skin sometimes.
Well, I was probably brimming with 'nostalgia' when the group I was in charge of attempted to carry me through a huge tyre and I guess that was the closest I could get to reliving the good ol' days. And I wasn't too happy about that either because they said I was heavy. Bah. Yeah, I'm sour. Haha.
The highest point of the camp was probably I going down to the lake for kayaking. Yep, paddling in a long, red kayak around a large, circular lake in circles, intentionally and unintentionally. I insist I was in control most of the time and my lowly 1 star badge in kayaking at least helped me stay afloat while I fiddled around with the paddle in a noobish fashion. Other times, I was just 'using the force' and ended up crashing into the sides a couple of times. Luckily I didn't capsize which would be extremely embarrasing. I also have a fear of capsizing, having broken the capsizing record when I was taking up the course.
I guess I've had enough talking about the camp. Not exactly a full fledged description of what exactly happened but I just decided to talk about stuff that I related to more. Overall, it was a really relaxing activity for me and I hope, an enriching one for my students.
Hmm, going to the airport later to send her off. Feeling a tad empty now. I guess 3 weeks is a rather long time for me in this situation and I'll truly miss her. But I'll make a trip down in the middle of the month though. Who's coming?
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
off to camp i go
Leaving for Kota Tinggi with the secondary 2s on their level camp tomorrow. Hence will be out of action until Sunday morning or so. I'm still wondering at this point of time whether I've left out anything in my pack list.
Had a pleasant surprise from 3DL yesterday. It was a small poster with a photo collage and some well wishes on it. Pretty nicely done. And then there were the personalised mini 'postcards' from each student placed neatly in a quaint, sweet-looking box.
I love what they had given me - something simple and creative, yet brimming with meaning and heart. That really made my day.
Today was kind of the last official day of lessons for me at least for this 5 month assignment so I gathered each secondary 3 class today to have some class photos taken. It's been a really enjoyable and meaningful time full of ups and downs but overall, saying the past months rock will be a severe understatement.
Ok, guess I've to check my items one more time before I find something missing tomorrow morning and fumble..
I'll sign off for now. If there is no internet connection over there, I hope to update on Sunday.
Had a pleasant surprise from 3DL yesterday. It was a small poster with a photo collage and some well wishes on it. Pretty nicely done. And then there were the personalised mini 'postcards' from each student placed neatly in a quaint, sweet-looking box.
I love what they had given me - something simple and creative, yet brimming with meaning and heart. That really made my day.
Today was kind of the last official day of lessons for me at least for this 5 month assignment so I gathered each secondary 3 class today to have some class photos taken. It's been a really enjoyable and meaningful time full of ups and downs but overall, saying the past months rock will be a severe understatement.
Ok, guess I've to check my items one more time before I find something missing tomorrow morning and fumble..
I'll sign off for now. If there is no internet connection over there, I hope to update on Sunday.
Monday, May 19, 2008
what have i been doing ..
Looks like I've been MIA for a while. Have been returning home late lately hence wasn't in the mood to do anything that required my brain. I'm not really implying that blogging consumes brain cells, just that I just felt like just chilling out in front of the comp and do some casual surfing and chatting. As always.
Anyways, what really happened in the past 2 weeks or so was the mid year examinations. No lessons but was really busy with the marking I had to do. First came the 120 scripts of English essays which I duly completed in about a week after which literature came in.
Well, literature marking tested my limits to say the least. Only 3 teachers marking the entire level, which left each with a section of the paper. 12 classes..an average of about 35 students per class and that meant I had to plough through about 700 scripts.
All to be done in slightly less than a week. Hence, a target of 2 classes a day was set. The task was daunting, but once the answers were programmed in your head, it wasn't as difficult as it seemed. It was just mentally taxing, and I forgot the number of incidences when I stared at a script and went blank.
Now that the mid years and marking are over, it is also about time my contract ends. After this long weekend, it's only Tuesday and Wednesday of offical lessons before I join the secondary 2s on their level camp until Sunday. Contract officially ends on the 23rd May.
I've kinda grown to love the job and the people, especially all my students. It will be a cliche to say how time has flown over the past months but it's true. I believed I've told myself several times and I believe I've stated somewhere in this blog, that I'll persevere with this job no matter how tough it got. I'm glad I did. Oh well.
This assignment has also been a meaningful one. It is my first job and one big step from the confines of NS to the outside world. I have gone into the job hoping to improve my confidence and public speaking skills and I'm sure I have accomplished that. Teaching english and literature has also increased my exposure and interest towards the subjects and put me in the shoes of my mother. I have met new people and also got the chance to pass on my knowledge, no matter how limited it is/was.
Most importantly, it is through this job that I have met her. And that will make it as memorable and meaningful as it will be.
Well.. I'll be back in school for 1 week in July and it's off to uni I go. New phase, new people, yet how I wish I didn't have to leave this comfort zone.
Anyways, what really happened in the past 2 weeks or so was the mid year examinations. No lessons but was really busy with the marking I had to do. First came the 120 scripts of English essays which I duly completed in about a week after which literature came in.
Well, literature marking tested my limits to say the least. Only 3 teachers marking the entire level, which left each with a section of the paper. 12 classes..an average of about 35 students per class and that meant I had to plough through about 700 scripts.
All to be done in slightly less than a week. Hence, a target of 2 classes a day was set. The task was daunting, but once the answers were programmed in your head, it wasn't as difficult as it seemed. It was just mentally taxing, and I forgot the number of incidences when I stared at a script and went blank.
Now that the mid years and marking are over, it is also about time my contract ends. After this long weekend, it's only Tuesday and Wednesday of offical lessons before I join the secondary 2s on their level camp until Sunday. Contract officially ends on the 23rd May.
I've kinda grown to love the job and the people, especially all my students. It will be a cliche to say how time has flown over the past months but it's true. I believed I've told myself several times and I believe I've stated somewhere in this blog, that I'll persevere with this job no matter how tough it got. I'm glad I did. Oh well.
This assignment has also been a meaningful one. It is my first job and one big step from the confines of NS to the outside world. I have gone into the job hoping to improve my confidence and public speaking skills and I'm sure I have accomplished that. Teaching english and literature has also increased my exposure and interest towards the subjects and put me in the shoes of my mother. I have met new people and also got the chance to pass on my knowledge, no matter how limited it is/was.
Most importantly, it is through this job that I have met her. And that will make it as memorable and meaningful as it will be.
Well.. I'll be back in school for 1 week in July and it's off to uni I go. New phase, new people, yet how I wish I didn't have to leave this comfort zone.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
am i just overwhelmed?
Too many things going on in my life right now. So many goals, yet effort put in always seems so minute when placed in comparison with the larger picture.
I think I'm quite daunted and overwhelmed by the whole university admission thing. This whole thing really scares me now that I think of it. Until a few days ago, I've just begun to question myself on the choice of course I've made. Is business course right for me?
I don't know where all these doubts are stemming from. My fear? Or my sudden change of perspectives in life? I'm guessing the comfort zone which I've just settled in has wrapped me in a nice, warm blanket which I refuse to leave. It almost seems like I've mellowed.
Guess I need to sit down and think properly because I might just be blowing things out of proportion and clouding my sense of reasoning. Highly possible. Maybe I just love to be a teacher so much and hope to remain status quo, hence my subconscious is playing the fool.
Oh well. I'm more than halfway through the marking. Had so much 'fun' reading the stories. Guess I really made a fantastic choice in requesting to mark the narratives rather than the discursives.
I think I'm quite daunted and overwhelmed by the whole university admission thing. This whole thing really scares me now that I think of it. Until a few days ago, I've just begun to question myself on the choice of course I've made. Is business course right for me?
I don't know where all these doubts are stemming from. My fear? Or my sudden change of perspectives in life? I'm guessing the comfort zone which I've just settled in has wrapped me in a nice, warm blanket which I refuse to leave. It almost seems like I've mellowed.
Guess I need to sit down and think properly because I might just be blowing things out of proportion and clouding my sense of reasoning. Highly possible. Maybe I just love to be a teacher so much and hope to remain status quo, hence my subconscious is playing the fool.
Oh well. I'm more than halfway through the marking. Had so much 'fun' reading the stories. Guess I really made a fantastic choice in requesting to mark the narratives rather than the discursives.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
marking is in
It always feels nice to make people happy, especially the ones you love. Yesterday afternoon, I decided to drop by her student's tuition place to wait for her after lesson. With me was a tub of Ben & Jerry's. It was some chocolate flavour with brownies in it. She didn't know so I guess it was quite a pleasant surprise. Luckily I remembered to bring the spoons along. :P
Today was the start of the mid year exams and English was the first paper. I spent most of last night fielding questions from my students. Some needed advice while others encouragement. A couple irritated me by asking me things that I've gone through in class so many times.
Today was also my first time invigilating an exam. Many a times I have been part of the mass of students sitting in the hall feeling so nervous, as the invigilators prowled the isles. My students all seemed fine, or so I hope, as several of them finished more than half an hour before the end and were 'meditating'.
Scripts are in and already been divided. I can start on the 120 scripts anytime but I hope I can finish them before the literature scripts come in. Students don't bug me regarding your answers, I'm not marking any of the 2 classes. :)
Today was the start of the mid year exams and English was the first paper. I spent most of last night fielding questions from my students. Some needed advice while others encouragement. A couple irritated me by asking me things that I've gone through in class so many times.
Today was also my first time invigilating an exam. Many a times I have been part of the mass of students sitting in the hall feeling so nervous, as the invigilators prowled the isles. My students all seemed fine, or so I hope, as several of them finished more than half an hour before the end and were 'meditating'.
Scripts are in and already been divided. I can start on the 120 scripts anytime but I hope I can finish them before the literature scripts come in. Students don't bug me regarding your answers, I'm not marking any of the 2 classes. :)
Sunday, April 13, 2008
must be a safer driver
Tailgating, unnecessary braking, cutting lanes without signalling, fast corners..these are just some of the bad driving habits I have. Sometimes I really get angry with myself for being so irresponsible.
I've already made a promise to her to be a safe driver. The last thing I want is passengers getting freaked out when they sit in my car, especially the ones closer to me. It's harder than I thought because I get my fair share of nonsense on the roads too. Well, it's time to take a huge step back and start mastering Highway Code once more.
On a side note, my best friend who just got his license for barely 2 months rented a 220 bhp Integra and went up to 160kph at Tuas. Sports cars are meant to be fast. However, not in the hands of a new driver in a high powered car he just laid his hands on. I admire his courage but am quite taken aback and slightly disappointed by how rash he was.
I don't think I would ever go at that speeds on Singapore roads. The license was way hard to get.
I've already made a promise to her to be a safe driver. The last thing I want is passengers getting freaked out when they sit in my car, especially the ones closer to me. It's harder than I thought because I get my fair share of nonsense on the roads too. Well, it's time to take a huge step back and start mastering Highway Code once more.
On a side note, my best friend who just got his license for barely 2 months rented a 220 bhp Integra and went up to 160kph at Tuas. Sports cars are meant to be fast. However, not in the hands of a new driver in a high powered car he just laid his hands on. I admire his courage but am quite taken aback and slightly disappointed by how rash he was.
I don't think I would ever go at that speeds on Singapore roads. The license was way hard to get.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
melted gummies
Gummy sweets do actually melt.
This is what I've learnt today. Left a small bag of sweets in the car this morning and went off to start the day. It was meant as a little surprise for her.
What started out as a quaint little collection of multi-coloured gummy sweets in an array of shapes and sizes was reduced to a slimy concoction under the intense, oven-like conditions in the cabin.
Let's just say that there was a good bit of humour when she received it. The whole package just ended up in the bin. 5 bucks down the drain. 5 bucks worth of gummies I've selected myself.
At this point, I'm still feeling particularly silly.
This is what I've learnt today. Left a small bag of sweets in the car this morning and went off to start the day. It was meant as a little surprise for her.
What started out as a quaint little collection of multi-coloured gummy sweets in an array of shapes and sizes was reduced to a slimy concoction under the intense, oven-like conditions in the cabin.
Let's just say that there was a good bit of humour when she received it. The whole package just ended up in the bin. 5 bucks down the drain. 5 bucks worth of gummies I've selected myself.
At this point, I'm still feeling particularly silly.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
meeting expectations
The past week had been a hectic and tiring one. The new timetable wasn't doing anything to help the stacks and stacks of marking I should have completed during the holidays. Thank goodness tomorrow is Good Friday.
I think I'm a rather thrashy teacher. A little clueless, a little behind time, a little blur..and sometimes the lack of experience and knowledge in the area of literature takes a big chunk out of my confidence and credibility during lessons.
Some of my students are more straightforward and they tell me not so nice things in my face. I hate to give the excuse that I'm untrained because I feel it's a responsibility to do my best. I am. However, my students see it as inefficient and I'm not meeting their expectations. Sometimes, it feels terrible because it almost seems I'm giving excuses everytime I try to explain.
Just had Meet the Parents session until 9pm. Reached home at 2pm thinking I could have a good nap but received a phone call to go down at 430pm to get ready for it. Totally slipped my mind, and I took the chance to rest before heading down again.
The session was okay. Quite an eye opener. I still remember my own Meet the Parents session way back in secondary 2. I wasn't a particular good student, and I remember it didn't feel exactly fantastic to be grilled about stuff you didn't do in front of your parents and teacher.
Spent the entire time speaking and explaining to parents regarding their kids' performance in literature. It didn't feel too good failing three quarters of a class, and I had much explanation to do. I still have to settle the issue for giving double zeros to a particular kid who didn't hand up his assignments. However, the parents seemed satisfied with what I had to say.
Oh well..suffering from a headache at this instant..I don't get these often but I guess the previous week has taken quite a toll on me.
I think I'm a rather thrashy teacher. A little clueless, a little behind time, a little blur..and sometimes the lack of experience and knowledge in the area of literature takes a big chunk out of my confidence and credibility during lessons.
Some of my students are more straightforward and they tell me not so nice things in my face. I hate to give the excuse that I'm untrained because I feel it's a responsibility to do my best. I am. However, my students see it as inefficient and I'm not meeting their expectations. Sometimes, it feels terrible because it almost seems I'm giving excuses everytime I try to explain.
Just had Meet the Parents session until 9pm. Reached home at 2pm thinking I could have a good nap but received a phone call to go down at 430pm to get ready for it. Totally slipped my mind, and I took the chance to rest before heading down again.
The session was okay. Quite an eye opener. I still remember my own Meet the Parents session way back in secondary 2. I wasn't a particular good student, and I remember it didn't feel exactly fantastic to be grilled about stuff you didn't do in front of your parents and teacher.
Spent the entire time speaking and explaining to parents regarding their kids' performance in literature. It didn't feel too good failing three quarters of a class, and I had much explanation to do. I still have to settle the issue for giving double zeros to a particular kid who didn't hand up his assignments. However, the parents seemed satisfied with what I had to say.
Oh well..suffering from a headache at this instant..I don't get these often but I guess the previous week has taken quite a toll on me.
Monday, March 17, 2008
what u get when u blog when sleepy.
In our lives, we meet many people. Strangers, acquaintances, friends, good friends, best friends. Some make a significant difference, some just fleet past our minds, barely registering in our memories.
Some of the people we meet develop into 'hi bye' friends, some of them might just stay acquaintances. And there are several who would become close pals, while others we forget about a few years down the road.
Which makes me wonder how many people I am in contact with now will become at least an acquaintance or maybe a friend that will still be there 5 years down the road..
Ok.. I intended to write more. However, I'm too tired to carry on. Blahh..
Some of the people we meet develop into 'hi bye' friends, some of them might just stay acquaintances. And there are several who would become close pals, while others we forget about a few years down the road.
Which makes me wonder how many people I am in contact with now will become at least an acquaintance or maybe a friend that will still be there 5 years down the road..
Ok.. I intended to write more. However, I'm too tired to carry on. Blahh..
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
just an update..
The past week has been overwhelming, in bits and pieces. I mean it in a good way though. Sometimes, things just happen and the moments, though fleeting, are beautiful.
I guess this is how life is. Unpredictable. You can be reeling with excitement one moment and the next, you have the wind sucker-punched out of you by something you didn't even see coming.
For me, at least for now, life seems to be cruising along at the right pace and right direction. One thing I've learnt recently is that we should make the most out of the present. Seize every opportunity to make every moment you live worth remembering.
I say this because sometimes we tend to get too caught up in the past that it prevents us from moving forward. We dwell too much in its shadows that it deprives us of the multitude of opportunities that creep past us without our knowledge. And once a moment is gone, it's lost forever.
School holidays this week. No school, no pay. I have a whole lot of marking to complete. They just keep coming it's scary. The classes are actually hurrying me for the assignments and tests. Busy is good though. I love busy.
I guess this is how life is. Unpredictable. You can be reeling with excitement one moment and the next, you have the wind sucker-punched out of you by something you didn't even see coming.
For me, at least for now, life seems to be cruising along at the right pace and right direction. One thing I've learnt recently is that we should make the most out of the present. Seize every opportunity to make every moment you live worth remembering.
I say this because sometimes we tend to get too caught up in the past that it prevents us from moving forward. We dwell too much in its shadows that it deprives us of the multitude of opportunities that creep past us without our knowledge. And once a moment is gone, it's lost forever.
School holidays this week. No school, no pay. I have a whole lot of marking to complete. They just keep coming it's scary. The classes are actually hurrying me for the assignments and tests. Busy is good though. I love busy.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
you might not understand this post
Today I'm going to break my number 1 rule in blogging. I am going to hold back on my writing and feelings. Mainly because my students read this blog and I don't think it's appropriate to write everything down.
Students, if you are reading this, let me apologise first for being slightly irrelevant and incoherent in my lesson today. Some of you might have caught me staring into space thinking, and ignoring you. I apologise for letting my feelings and emotions get in the way of my lesson. I am sorry for undermining the professionalism and responsibility I'm required to display.
Earlier, I've said something about not writing everything down because it's inappropriate. Scratch that. I don't think I'll be able to do so even if I tried. Things are just a total mess right now. My mind's clouded with a million thoughts that I have been trying very hard to put in perspective but to no avail.
I tried to cast them at the back of my head and lose myself in the pile of literature assignments but they all start coming back to me, pleading for some form of resolution..or at least some organization.
The thoughts just don't flow smooth. So many coursing through my mind, yet all scraping the surface of comprehension.
I have already made my point clear last night. Time is on our side. Yet, I don't think I can continue with what I've set out to do in the midst of this seemingly interminable wait. It's only been that number of hours since yesterday but I can't get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.
I've already explained that it's necessary. Things can't just move on if one is held back by one thing or another. Lying to yourself is wrong. So taking a step back for a breather always helps.
I'm sorry for being a tad emo. However, I had to if not I would explode. I guess that's what emo does. I know, emo is a form of release..
It's not easy to hide your hurt behind a smile.
Students, if you are reading this, let me apologise first for being slightly irrelevant and incoherent in my lesson today. Some of you might have caught me staring into space thinking, and ignoring you. I apologise for letting my feelings and emotions get in the way of my lesson. I am sorry for undermining the professionalism and responsibility I'm required to display.
Earlier, I've said something about not writing everything down because it's inappropriate. Scratch that. I don't think I'll be able to do so even if I tried. Things are just a total mess right now. My mind's clouded with a million thoughts that I have been trying very hard to put in perspective but to no avail.
I tried to cast them at the back of my head and lose myself in the pile of literature assignments but they all start coming back to me, pleading for some form of resolution..or at least some organization.
The thoughts just don't flow smooth. So many coursing through my mind, yet all scraping the surface of comprehension.
I have already made my point clear last night. Time is on our side. Yet, I don't think I can continue with what I've set out to do in the midst of this seemingly interminable wait. It's only been that number of hours since yesterday but I can't get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.
I've already explained that it's necessary. Things can't just move on if one is held back by one thing or another. Lying to yourself is wrong. So taking a step back for a breather always helps.
I'm sorry for being a tad emo. However, I had to if not I would explode. I guess that's what emo does. I know, emo is a form of release..
It's not easy to hide your hurt behind a smile.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
this is special
" Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breaths away. "
You must have heard this quote somewhere before since it's kind of common. I personally, try to avoid using cliches, but sometimes cliches are cliches because they have truth and meaning behind them. They, in turn, played significant roles in one's life one time or another.
The past week had been nothing short of special. Although there had been doubts and questions, it all became clear just a while ago.
It was surreal and it still is. It would probably take a while to register everything into this part of my memory which I'll treasure for the rest of my life.
You must have heard this quote somewhere before since it's kind of common. I personally, try to avoid using cliches, but sometimes cliches are cliches because they have truth and meaning behind them. They, in turn, played significant roles in one's life one time or another.
The past week had been nothing short of special. Although there had been doubts and questions, it all became clear just a while ago.
It was surreal and it still is. It would probably take a while to register everything into this part of my memory which I'll treasure for the rest of my life.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
crazy.
CONFUSION. QUESTIONS. DOUBTS.
My mind feels like a freaking rollercoaster. This is probably going to be the longest weekend of my life. It's going to take a hell lot more to top this. I'm almost halfway done. Sunday will be dreary.
Can't wait for Monday.
Monday seems to have all the answers.
The last couple of days have been surreal. Things slipped into a whole new dimension just like that. At least that's how I felt. It's like on the brink of scary. Don't even remember what exactly happened. Everything is a blur. And I mean, really one patch of fog when I look back. Terrible comparison. Heck.
Strangely, despite all these, there's still this tinge of nice.
Ok. Please stop speculating and concentrate on your studies.
My mind feels like a freaking rollercoaster. This is probably going to be the longest weekend of my life. It's going to take a hell lot more to top this. I'm almost halfway done. Sunday will be dreary.
Can't wait for Monday.
Monday seems to have all the answers.
The last couple of days have been surreal. Things slipped into a whole new dimension just like that. At least that's how I felt. It's like on the brink of scary. Don't even remember what exactly happened. Everything is a blur. And I mean, really one patch of fog when I look back. Terrible comparison. Heck.
Strangely, despite all these, there's still this tinge of nice.
Ok. Please stop speculating and concentrate on your studies.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
too young?
Today in class someone asked me how I felt about boy girl relationships (BGRs) at their age of 14, maybe 15.
From the perspective of someone only about 5 years older, I feel that 15 years old is way too young to be starting any form of relationships with the opposite sex. Let me take this opportunity to say that for my past years in school, I've rarely even seen a couple last through the end of the school term. But this is just me, you might have your own real life examples to refute my claim.
Which leads me to question the motivating factor behind getting into BGRs at such a tender age. The feeling to love and just be so overwhelmingly surrounded by its magic is simply put, amazing. And many teenagers can't tell the difference between truly in love with the person or just simply in love with this feeling of being in love.
The line in between is frightfully thin. And I'm not saying that only teenagers are vulnerable. Sometimes we dive blindly into this illusion and before we know it, we are caught up in the frenzy of things finally unable to tell its subtle difference.
Of course, a person at 20 will see things very differently from someone who is 5 years younger. And believe me, 5 years can do a lot to your perspectives. I remember when I was 15, I vaguely remember I was confused. Of course, I never had the slightest hint back then and some of my actions really do baffle me, especially now when I look back.
Heck, even now at this point of writing, I still don't get a clear idea on love and relationships. I was always baffled, still is and I believe I will always continue questioning, this whole complex idea behind love. I know, at the back of my head, that I can never really find a satisfactory answer. I guess it keeps me thinking. For me, getting lost in my thoughts have become some sort of an escape.
To my students, I can never give you my exact opinion on love and relationships at your age. It is because I'm constantly questioning, and the questions I have rob me of the confidence. I may have said 15 is too young but that's just in all sense of the word, politically correctness.
All I can say is, you do get a clearer idea of things when you are out of the picture and looking back in. We all tend to be myopic when we are in the midst of all the action. That's why sometimes I encourage people to stand back and take a breather.
Whatever it is, when you love, love with all your heart. Cherish and savour every possible moment in love you can gather. It is these moments that define a relationship and not its duration.
And that is all I have to say for tonight.
From the perspective of someone only about 5 years older, I feel that 15 years old is way too young to be starting any form of relationships with the opposite sex. Let me take this opportunity to say that for my past years in school, I've rarely even seen a couple last through the end of the school term. But this is just me, you might have your own real life examples to refute my claim.
Which leads me to question the motivating factor behind getting into BGRs at such a tender age. The feeling to love and just be so overwhelmingly surrounded by its magic is simply put, amazing. And many teenagers can't tell the difference between truly in love with the person or just simply in love with this feeling of being in love.
The line in between is frightfully thin. And I'm not saying that only teenagers are vulnerable. Sometimes we dive blindly into this illusion and before we know it, we are caught up in the frenzy of things finally unable to tell its subtle difference.
Of course, a person at 20 will see things very differently from someone who is 5 years younger. And believe me, 5 years can do a lot to your perspectives. I remember when I was 15, I vaguely remember I was confused. Of course, I never had the slightest hint back then and some of my actions really do baffle me, especially now when I look back.
Heck, even now at this point of writing, I still don't get a clear idea on love and relationships. I was always baffled, still is and I believe I will always continue questioning, this whole complex idea behind love. I know, at the back of my head, that I can never really find a satisfactory answer. I guess it keeps me thinking. For me, getting lost in my thoughts have become some sort of an escape.
To my students, I can never give you my exact opinion on love and relationships at your age. It is because I'm constantly questioning, and the questions I have rob me of the confidence. I may have said 15 is too young but that's just in all sense of the word, politically correctness.
All I can say is, you do get a clearer idea of things when you are out of the picture and looking back in. We all tend to be myopic when we are in the midst of all the action. That's why sometimes I encourage people to stand back and take a breather.
Whatever it is, when you love, love with all your heart. Cherish and savour every possible moment in love you can gather. It is these moments that define a relationship and not its duration.
And that is all I have to say for tonight.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
for love or money
According to Adam Khoo's 'Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires', there is a long list of common negative associations about money that prevent people from truly becoming rich. It is these subconscious beliefs that cause them to repel money and prevent them from becoming wealthy without even realising it.
Below are several examples, just to name a few:
1) Money is the 'root of all evil'
2) To get rich, you must be lucky, dishonest or really smart
3) Money will not buy you happiness
4) If I have more money, I will have more worries and problems
5) Rich people are stingy
If one applies the same theory to love, you will realise that there are people around you that find reasons not to fall in love. Or simply refuse to show their true emotions to the ones they adore.
Sometimes people do hold back for fear of rejection. They become too judgmental of oneself and others as they form unwritten criteria that eventually shape their perceptions. They are actually finding excuses to turn away, questioning the possibility of any result.
Is love going to last? Are the circumstances right? But we seem so different, are we meant to be?
It is in the subconscious that prevents them from truly loving. And then there are those who are afraid of getting hurt, held back by their past.
In Low Kay Hwa's book 'I believe you', there is this one line that made a lot of sense. In love, either you love or you don't. You don't hold back your feelings. Because if you do, you will never get to embrace its true meaning.
Below are several examples, just to name a few:
1) Money is the 'root of all evil'
2) To get rich, you must be lucky, dishonest or really smart
3) Money will not buy you happiness
4) If I have more money, I will have more worries and problems
5) Rich people are stingy
If one applies the same theory to love, you will realise that there are people around you that find reasons not to fall in love. Or simply refuse to show their true emotions to the ones they adore.
Sometimes people do hold back for fear of rejection. They become too judgmental of oneself and others as they form unwritten criteria that eventually shape their perceptions. They are actually finding excuses to turn away, questioning the possibility of any result.
Is love going to last? Are the circumstances right? But we seem so different, are we meant to be?
It is in the subconscious that prevents them from truly loving. And then there are those who are afraid of getting hurt, held back by their past.
In Low Kay Hwa's book 'I believe you', there is this one line that made a lot of sense. In love, either you love or you don't. You don't hold back your feelings. Because if you do, you will never get to embrace its true meaning.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
something really random
Here is me taking a pinch at some black pepper chicken from the plate of Yen Lin, a fellow relief at CCHSM. Nothing much. Just felt that it's been a while I've been in such a candid shot so I just decided to post it up.
Pattaya chicken from Western Delights - probably the best dish in Singapore school canteen history.
Friday, February 15, 2008
the Vday was unlike previous ones
How was your Valentine's Day?
I became a 'date facilitator' for my best friend this year. So the ideas came up over an evening few nights before D-day at Dempsey where we were scouting for potential restaurants there to take his girl to.
And somehow over cake at Dome Cafe I kinda offered to be their official driver for that evening. Mainly because the location was quite inaccessible without vehicle and the tight schedule would deem other forms of public transport a tad too inconvenient.
I shall not specify details on that particular evening. Let's just say it went smoothly admist fears of losing my way and ruining a wonderful evening. I told him I'll just drop them off at the nearest MacDonald's in case I really went in the wrong direction. He didn't seem to be humored. I don't know why.
That night, I felt a tinge of bitterness creeping up on me. Before I continue, let me clarify that this has nothing to do with the couple in the backseat. It feels great to be able to make a positive difference to a lovely evening. It's just me.
Just imagine one really beautiful evening you step out into the open and see, hear and feel this atmosphere of love surrounding you and then you wonder why you feel so out of place.
That's what I felt.
I became a 'date facilitator' for my best friend this year. So the ideas came up over an evening few nights before D-day at Dempsey where we were scouting for potential restaurants there to take his girl to.
And somehow over cake at Dome Cafe I kinda offered to be their official driver for that evening. Mainly because the location was quite inaccessible without vehicle and the tight schedule would deem other forms of public transport a tad too inconvenient.
I shall not specify details on that particular evening. Let's just say it went smoothly admist fears of losing my way and ruining a wonderful evening. I told him I'll just drop them off at the nearest MacDonald's in case I really went in the wrong direction. He didn't seem to be humored. I don't know why.
That night, I felt a tinge of bitterness creeping up on me. Before I continue, let me clarify that this has nothing to do with the couple in the backseat. It feels great to be able to make a positive difference to a lovely evening. It's just me.
Just imagine one really beautiful evening you step out into the open and see, hear and feel this atmosphere of love surrounding you and then you wonder why you feel so out of place.
That's what I felt.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
so i end up talking about school yet again
Today I shall attempt to blog with no prior topic in mind. At this present moment, I am only thinking of the next word I shall put down because simply, I just feel like writing.
I love writing.
Oh rather, should I say, I love typing down my thoughts. You could say that's probably called blogging. Look at the 3 word sentence making up the previous paragraph. I tell my students sometimes to use short sentences that are to the point to create an impact. I hope that did.
Speaking of students, sometimes I look at them and wonder what's running through their mind when I teach them. Why do they look so 'dead'? Why can't they just follow instructions sometimes? Perhaps it's the time of the day. I've been told the time of the day when you enter the classroom makes a significant difference to the behaviour and patience of these youngsters.
That's why sometimes I prefer my lessons to be in the early morning, where they are easier to manage, probably because two hours ago, they were still tucked in bed.
And then there are those who cast glances at me and giggle. Inaudible chatter follows. Things like these only happen for two reasons. They think you're cute or they are simply gossiping about something you probably shouldn't hear. Since it can't possibly be the former, I will hence instinctively check if my fly is undone (with much discretion of course) or pretend to scratch my upper lip to see if I had left anything unsightly behind when I was picking my nose earlier.
When I look at my students, I'll try to recall what I was like 5 or 6 years ago when I was in the exact same situation. What was going through my mind then? How have I changed for the past 6 years? I really cannot imagine any significant differences. Probably, I think more now. Much more. I guess thinking makes you grow. Sometimes, I wonder how much more mature I am compared to these young upstarts that I'm responsible for.
Oh. And isn't Valentine's Day today? How amazingly insightful the love in the air has made me..Don't you feel it already? It's one of the most commercialized days in the year. Probably I should just go out and get some flowers, just for the sake of it.
I love writing.
Oh rather, should I say, I love typing down my thoughts. You could say that's probably called blogging. Look at the 3 word sentence making up the previous paragraph. I tell my students sometimes to use short sentences that are to the point to create an impact. I hope that did.
Speaking of students, sometimes I look at them and wonder what's running through their mind when I teach them. Why do they look so 'dead'? Why can't they just follow instructions sometimes? Perhaps it's the time of the day. I've been told the time of the day when you enter the classroom makes a significant difference to the behaviour and patience of these youngsters.
That's why sometimes I prefer my lessons to be in the early morning, where they are easier to manage, probably because two hours ago, they were still tucked in bed.
And then there are those who cast glances at me and giggle. Inaudible chatter follows. Things like these only happen for two reasons. They think you're cute or they are simply gossiping about something you probably shouldn't hear. Since it can't possibly be the former, I will hence instinctively check if my fly is undone (with much discretion of course) or pretend to scratch my upper lip to see if I had left anything unsightly behind when I was picking my nose earlier.
When I look at my students, I'll try to recall what I was like 5 or 6 years ago when I was in the exact same situation. What was going through my mind then? How have I changed for the past 6 years? I really cannot imagine any significant differences. Probably, I think more now. Much more. I guess thinking makes you grow. Sometimes, I wonder how much more mature I am compared to these young upstarts that I'm responsible for.
Oh. And isn't Valentine's Day today? How amazingly insightful the love in the air has made me..Don't you feel it already? It's one of the most commercialized days in the year. Probably I should just go out and get some flowers, just for the sake of it.
Monday, February 11, 2008
i see clearer like wearing new specs
Sometimes we do get confused over the next step we should take in our lives. At this moment in time, there are so many things running through my mind. Or what my students would say in descriptive writing, running like a hungry lion chasing the poor deer.
Ok, so that was a pretty lame example. But I do get stuff like that in the course of my marking.
Anyway, I was saying that I've been thinking a lot recently. Recently as in the past week, the long holiday but significantly more in the last 20 hours. Well, it seems that there is simply so much untapped potential I could harness, so many resources I could jolly well access for the sake of a better future.
But sadly, I'm not doing anything much but sweating the small stuff all the time.
It just seems like my priorities in life have shifted quite a bit in the past month or so. Maybe it's the new year resolution syndrome kicking in or maybe it's so near Valentine's Day and there's this emo thing going on. Whatever it is, it just seems like there's this huge veil suddenly lifted from my eyes and this strange source of motivation starts kicking in from I don't know where.
But it feels good to have your vision cleared. Like peeling away dried green stuff at the corners of your eyes when you wake up in the morning (oh here we go again).
I guess this is one of those posts that only me can comprehend. The rest of you can just try to figure out what I'm babbling about.
Ok, so that was a pretty lame example. But I do get stuff like that in the course of my marking.
Anyway, I was saying that I've been thinking a lot recently. Recently as in the past week, the long holiday but significantly more in the last 20 hours. Well, it seems that there is simply so much untapped potential I could harness, so many resources I could jolly well access for the sake of a better future.
But sadly, I'm not doing anything much but sweating the small stuff all the time.
It just seems like my priorities in life have shifted quite a bit in the past month or so. Maybe it's the new year resolution syndrome kicking in or maybe it's so near Valentine's Day and there's this emo thing going on. Whatever it is, it just seems like there's this huge veil suddenly lifted from my eyes and this strange source of motivation starts kicking in from I don't know where.
But it feels good to have your vision cleared. Like peeling away dried green stuff at the corners of your eyes when you wake up in the morning (oh here we go again).
I guess this is one of those posts that only me can comprehend. The rest of you can just try to figure out what I'm babbling about.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
I believe you
Ok, so I've just finished 17 chapters of this book at one sitting. Who am I kidding? The chapters are pretty short. This book is titled 'I Believe You' and it's by local writer Low Kay Hwa. Thing is I read it online and the last 3 chapters are only made available in hard copy.
This is a love story about 2 youths in their junior college. It's not your regular sappy teenage i-have-a-crush-on-you type of story. Definitely more complex and thought provoking. Might be a tear jerker to some.
Here's the link:
http://www.goodybooks.com/ibelieveyou.htm
This is a love story about 2 youths in their junior college. It's not your regular sappy teenage i-have-a-crush-on-you type of story. Definitely more complex and thought provoking. Might be a tear jerker to some.
Here's the link:
http://www.goodybooks.com/ibelieveyou.htm
Do take some time to read it. One of the better short stories I've read in a while. It's apparently rather popular too, in its third print run. So I must be quite slow to only find out now.
Anyway, I should be expecting the book to arrive in my post within a week. Yeah, the only way to lay your hands on a hard copy is to order it online. I just had to.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
that stretch of highway
A real good way to enjoy music would be during a cool night, driving on a highway. With the windows down and the volume up, it would also be the time when you wish the ride had a retractable hood.
Bon jovi never sounded better when you're singing with the music, with the wind rushing in your face. For that moment, you hope that the kilometres of tarmac just wouldn't run out.
Perhaps that's a great way of getting into the song.
Today I heard a really beautiful and familiar piano piece. And it made me wonder how a melody with no words could invoke such forms of emotion and nostalgia. Maybe because this sort of music is supposed to make you feel dreamy. And when you're dreamy, you think of nice things. Oh well.
Finally got my road mix up. Compiled a list of songs I deemed fit for driving along to and burned it into a disc. On this island, we tend to run out of ground really easily. Music on the move needs to be picked wisely.
Bon jovi never sounded better when you're singing with the music, with the wind rushing in your face. For that moment, you hope that the kilometres of tarmac just wouldn't run out.
Perhaps that's a great way of getting into the song.
Today I heard a really beautiful and familiar piano piece. And it made me wonder how a melody with no words could invoke such forms of emotion and nostalgia. Maybe because this sort of music is supposed to make you feel dreamy. And when you're dreamy, you think of nice things. Oh well.
Finally got my road mix up. Compiled a list of songs I deemed fit for driving along to and burned it into a disc. On this island, we tend to run out of ground really easily. Music on the move needs to be picked wisely.
nothing gold can stay. can it?
Most of my students would have come across this poem one time or another. It's in the literature text The Outsiders. This poem more or less carries the idea behind the story.
Nothing Gold Can Stay - Robert Frost
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
I'm still reading into the meaning of this poem. I get the gist of the underlying idea and it's amazing how something can make such sense and be so beautifully crafted.
Nothing Gold Can Stay - Robert Frost
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
I'm still reading into the meaning of this poem. I get the gist of the underlying idea and it's amazing how something can make such sense and be so beautifully crafted.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
now this sure took a while.
"Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes, a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment... every part of it... will live on forever."
Many a time I'll look back at my life and wonder how things would be different if I made certain choices. And then I'll realise that half of the time I was paper chasing, going through the motions, just simply...living life as I should.
The other time in literature lesson, I was asking my students to share with me significant and memorable moments in their lives. Things that have changed their lives. I had actually wanted to hear their answers for myself. At the back of my head, I had went blank as I could not come up with any examples for myself.
Perhaps it's a good thing to realise this and probably things can be different. Perhaps moments like these really can be created and waited for. Will I be able to create these moments in the days to come? Can I make an impression?
Then just maybe the next time I stumble upon a One Tree Hill quote and decide to blog about it, I'll have at least something I can boast about or look back fondly on. And yes, it's about time I started on Season 4.
Many a time I'll look back at my life and wonder how things would be different if I made certain choices. And then I'll realise that half of the time I was paper chasing, going through the motions, just simply...living life as I should.
The other time in literature lesson, I was asking my students to share with me significant and memorable moments in their lives. Things that have changed their lives. I had actually wanted to hear their answers for myself. At the back of my head, I had went blank as I could not come up with any examples for myself.
Perhaps it's a good thing to realise this and probably things can be different. Perhaps moments like these really can be created and waited for. Will I be able to create these moments in the days to come? Can I make an impression?
Then just maybe the next time I stumble upon a One Tree Hill quote and decide to blog about it, I'll have at least something I can boast about or look back fondly on. And yes, it's about time I started on Season 4.
look, it's 3am.
Sometimes, I hope I can freeze a certain memory of an individual. The certain piece of someone that I would always want to remember him or her by. It could be the dazzling smile or the conversation shared.
It would be good if we could also retrieve these bits and pieces whenever we wished. And nothing else could tarnish those bits of perfection. Everyone will be rosy.
Beautiful moments we wish to keep are the ones that are fleeting and far in between. Do we create them or wait for them to happen?
It would be good if we could also retrieve these bits and pieces whenever we wished. And nothing else could tarnish those bits of perfection. Everyone will be rosy.
Beautiful moments we wish to keep are the ones that are fleeting and far in between. Do we create them or wait for them to happen?
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
the story so far
Guess I haven't blogged in about slightly over a month. That's a long time in blog years. Have been teaching in Chung Cheng for the past month and for the 1st week of February. It's an amazing experience so far and I'm enjoying every moment of it.
I have two Secondary 3 classes and three secondary 2 classes. Some classes I always look forward to going, some classes require a bit of prior mental preparation. But in the end, all things end really well. No matter how the lesson goes, at the end of the day, there's still this tinge of satisfaction.
Sometimes, I don't really feel like a teacher. I'm only about 5 or 6 years older than them. Maybe 6 years is a long time, I don't know. But at least I don't feel very old in the classroom.
I never really expected to enjoy a teaching job so much. I've told myself once or twice in the past month or so that I'll continue with this job until my term ends no matter what kind of difficulty I face. The workload I face might be crazy sometimes but guess this is all part of the job.
There are moments in my life I hope can last as long as I want them to. This is one experience I wish I could extend.
I have two Secondary 3 classes and three secondary 2 classes. Some classes I always look forward to going, some classes require a bit of prior mental preparation. But in the end, all things end really well. No matter how the lesson goes, at the end of the day, there's still this tinge of satisfaction.
Sometimes, I don't really feel like a teacher. I'm only about 5 or 6 years older than them. Maybe 6 years is a long time, I don't know. But at least I don't feel very old in the classroom.
I never really expected to enjoy a teaching job so much. I've told myself once or twice in the past month or so that I'll continue with this job until my term ends no matter what kind of difficulty I face. The workload I face might be crazy sometimes but guess this is all part of the job.
There are moments in my life I hope can last as long as I want them to. This is one experience I wish I could extend.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
first day of work tomorrow
Busy studying for my exams lately. So didn't have time to blog. I had my Business Management exam today..and it had indeed been a long time since I felt that 'familiar' wave of panic I felt whenever I did a Physics exam.
Things that I studied didn't turn up much, while those I mere browsed through came out in different variations. But I guess I still managed to smoke through..one thing for certain, I can't get an A for this module like the rest, but I'll be glad if I just pass. The next exam to look out for is accounting and after that, I'm done with this diploma.
I was supposed to report to work today but because of the exam, I only had to report tomorrow. I'm a tad nervous about having to teach in front of a class of 14 and 15 year olds. The responsibility is rather heavy as I'm guiding them for almost half a year, not one or two days.
Well..have some time before my first lesson starts tomorrow. Didn't have much time to look through the necessary preparation recently, all my time went to studying.
Someone guide me on factual reports!
Things that I studied didn't turn up much, while those I mere browsed through came out in different variations. But I guess I still managed to smoke through..one thing for certain, I can't get an A for this module like the rest, but I'll be glad if I just pass. The next exam to look out for is accounting and after that, I'm done with this diploma.
I was supposed to report to work today but because of the exam, I only had to report tomorrow. I'm a tad nervous about having to teach in front of a class of 14 and 15 year olds. The responsibility is rather heavy as I'm guiding them for almost half a year, not one or two days.
Well..have some time before my first lesson starts tomorrow. Didn't have much time to look through the necessary preparation recently, all my time went to studying.
Someone guide me on factual reports!
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